The Unknown

The Unknown

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Mon, Jul 18, 2016
I feel it as it slowly starts taking over my body. The pain, the anger that overcomes me for trying so hard to hide who and what i really am. Who am I? The question that lingers in my head. I feel so alone, invisible even though I know you are watching me every single day. I feel the stares, that ice cold look you give me everytime i turn and see you. I feel the hatred building up inside me little by little. We may be identical but we are so different. Why do I have to sacrifice everything I have to protect the people i love. I remember i onced loved them but now that feeling is gone, Love is no more in my heart and it is all because of you. I know this is better for all of them but at what price? my life? When did i become the monster i had always feared to be. I keep looking in the mirror and then realize that this was what i was supposed to be all along. This was the reason why i had never fit in with the rest of the world. I was the outsider that was never really invited in and everyone knew that but me.
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I really don't remember the last time I was happy even my childhood memories I honestly don't remember having a bubbly childhood like any other kids ,my life has always been miserable and honestly learned how to adapt to that. you honestly smile over something stupid , laugh over a cracked joke for a few minutes and there's that thing that triggers that you just had enough and you should stop and your mood just goes down and there's nothing to do about it. It's like the inner you always wakes up fucked up more than you are fucked up and tells you that you just sad and you gonna stay that way until you take out the anger on something or someone but you know what something always has to be the blade, permanent scars on how bad it was ,a daily reminder on how life is and how sadness over comes you at times actually not at times but everytime and on the someone part , you hurt people that honestly try to reach out to you and show you how much they care about you but you just had it with everyone and everything and you want no one caring about your feelings and giving a fuck about you because you can't reciprocate the feelings. You can't find yourself caring about anyone else but you but still can't care about yourself enough to feel safe or protected , he was the only one that made me feel alive and I lost him but what hurts more is losing someone and only realizing later what they meant to you.

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