Lost my ways

who am I ? am i a 16 year old girl , or am i a puppet? I'm so sick and tired of being who i am. Sometimes i just wish i wasn't even on this earth at all. I wish i was dead at one point. Wanting to take some pills and hope to never wake up again. They say God gives the hardest battles to those who can handle it they can fight their own battles, But i am not even a soldier to begin with. Im weak im a coward to admit and speak how i feel. You step all over me and what do i do i stay on the floor while you kick me with your hurtful words you throw at me. I cry myself to sleep every night hoping things would change, but they don't as i get older it worsens. Thinking about it makes me hurt and cry till nothing comes out anymore. I'm so FED up i hate being on this earth! My room is the only place i can go to for me to be safe. To hide in peace to cry in peace to think. I am not strong, i am weak mentally. I like to run away from my problems because i cant face them face to face. Someone wise told me that i'm like a little bunny. I hide and run away from those who try to harm me. But it just takes that one little push for them to corner me and as soon as they are ready to hurt me the bunny will stand up with all its might and strength to fight back, It just needs something big enough to corner it, to get out of its bad situation. I need that. But if it was a life and death situation i would probably be dead cause i couldn't have the courage to fight back with my words. I am not cut out for this my brain tells me one thing but my heart tells me another. I have a mother who believes in me, But it's sad cause i dont even belive in myself. I'm tired of being here. I just want to leave. But i cant cause im to scared to own up and stand up to what i believe in. Every time you hurt me it secretly hurts me.. you just never see the hurt i'm feeling, you think it's in the inside, but really its in the outside you just never cared to take a look at me. Your only paying attention you.