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Too Close (Phan)

WellThisIsAwkward49

Reads 28,189
Votes 1,299
Parts 41
Time 5h 49m

Reads 28,189
Votes 1,299
Parts 41
Time 5h 49m

WellThisIsAwkward49

Mature

abuse alcohol amazingphil dan danandphil danhowell danisnotonfire depressing disorder eating fanfiction howell lester phil phillester trigger warning wattys2018

Phil Lester is a well known youtuber. He hides behind the camera, he acts the way that he wants to but he scared to be himself at school. He's popular and he's not happy like that.

Dan is sweet and rarely talks. He is always afraid that somebody will hurt him so he tries to stay away from people and emotions. Dan struggles with depression, selfharm, bullies, anorexia, a dark past, and being fostered by an abusive family. His mom and dad died when he was 13 and he blames himself everyday. His 7 year old sister is the only thing keeping him alive and sane.

Phil feels bad for Dan, but he can't show it unless he wants to get hurt to. Little does Phil know, Dan is quickly losing control of his life. 

Read this book to go on this adventure with Dan and Phil. (Will mostly be written in Dan's POV)

WARNINGS: This story will have very triggering content that deals with self harm, depression, self hatred, anorexia, abuse, harsh language, bullying, mentions of rape, bulimia, and anxiety. Please be careful reading my book and I am always here to talk if you need it. Also, Dan is shorter in this book, about 5'9" cause I have a thing with height.All Rights Reserved

abuse alcohol amazingphil dan danandphil danhowell danisnotonfire depressing disorder eating fanfiction howell lester phil phillester trigger warning wattys2018

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41 parts

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Finding the Phandom: A Dan and Phil AU by AmberIssues0

Phil Lester is a YouTuber who lives in London. He has a following of, just recently, 4 million people. He has been making a name for himself. He loves his job, but he is missing something. Dan Howell is a law school drop out from the University of Manchester. He has been doing YouTube since he graduated high school. He now does YouTube full time. He has a following of six million people. He still feels lonely. What happens if Dan and Phil never met in 2009? In a world where Dan and Phil aren't "Dan and Phil", will the phandom still ship them? Will fate intervene? Warnings: Language, Depression, Self-Harm, Hospitals Cover Art credit: http://maddox-rider.tumblr.com/

The Only One (Phan) [COMPLETE] by underscorekacie

"Phil Lester is the literal sunshine of my life. If I didn't have him in my life, I may have been dead by now. Every day still sucks, but whenever I'm with Phil, my heart remembers that life is worth living. The only reason my life is worth living is to be next to Phil. To see him smile, to hear him laugh, to listen to his voice, to watch him move...everything. Everything that he does brings the much-needed light into my life." Dan Howell has many struggles within himself, despite his successful YouTube career. The only one who truly helps him is his best mate, Phil Lester. Dan has been madly in love with Phil since the first day they met. However, Dan knows that it is inevitable that Phil will never return the feeling because he is only interested in women. As Dan attempts to battle his own demons, Phil seems to be quite happy and even ends up dating a beautiful girl. Unfortunately, this makes Dan's mental state even worse. What will happen to Dan? Will he ever confess his strong feelings for his best friend? Will he ever overcome the ongoing war in his head?

Danny's Girl (Phan) by SmolSalmon

I've read a bunch of phan, so why not write one? Dan Howell's life couldn't be any better at the moment. He has met the most beautiful, charming, kind girl he could ever imagine, and she loves him back. Everything is perfect... but not for Phil. Phil Lester has always been in love with Dan since the first moment he first met him, but now Phil's heart is crushed. He has some suspicions of Dan's girlfriend, but Dan just brushes it off, ignoring Phil completely. Unfortunately, Phil's bad feelings may be true... Sexual content, self harm, language, and domestic abuse warning. Also, I'm American, so if I get anything wrong, please tell me. ••• Update: This is very old (not really that old) writing! It's cringy as hell, and I apologize in advance. I have fixed a few errors, so if it seems slightly different than it was before, that's why.

Save Me From Myself » Daniel Howell AU by TheMeganHowell

[Trigger warning: Suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, and depression is mentioned many times in this story. Do not read if those things could trigger you.] Sadness and sorrow, you wouldn't expect those words to sum up the sister of Phil Lester, but they did.. She just feels like nothing. She needs someone to save her from herself. ©TheMeganHowell 2014 [Ahead of time, I would like to say that this was my first book after my long break from writing and me reading this is like Dan watching his first video. So much cringe. So it sucks. Stay away. Thanks.]

psychedelia | phan by thenightlockfox

Dan has given up on ever being happy. Life has lost its meaning, and everything he seems to do causes some form of destruction, and Dan is so tired of destroying the things he used to love. He's lost so much, and he's scared of losing Phil, the only thing he can bring himself to care about. But Dan can't see past his own depression that Phil is struggling with bulimia, and that he's equally good at hiding his dark thoughts as Dan. And as Dan walks through the streets alone at night getting high to escape from the hell he's trapped himself in, will he be able to see that maybe the happiness he craves so desperately is not on the streets in the form of white pills, but inside his own apartment in the form of Phil Lester? Or will it be too late... WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, USE OF DRUGS, VIOLENCE, HIGH LEVELS OF ANGST, BULIMIA, AND THEMES OF SUICIDE. IT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER READERS.

My Blood, Your Bones - Phan by SweetLittlePhangirl

Young Dan Howell, who lives with his alcoholic father, lost his mother to cancer less than a year ago, and is killing himself. Phil Lester, a boy picked on for his weight, lives alone from the rest of the world in a rehab center while trying to recover from severe anorexia. When a concerned teacher suggests Dan seek help, the two lonely worlds collide. Maybe all they need for help is each other. (Rating: Mature! Very angsty! Read at your own risk! Triggers: self harm, eating disorder, suicide. A little swearing. A little smutty, a little fluffy)

Insulted / Bullied By Dan and Phil by silencedteen

It all starts in the cold autumn of 2009, you're just fourteen years old. And you do not have a happy life, no you aren't just a little 'sad' about something. You are properly depressed, you hate life. Nobody is ever there for you, except for one person.. This person has a lot of problems of their own, their life is just as bad as yours. They often have to stay off school, leaving you alone. It's true, you're bullied. By the two best friends Daniel Howell and Phillip Lester. You hate them, little bastards. But just eight years later a lot of things had changed.

If I Knew Then (Phan) by ToriDreamsOfTomorrow

**Trigger Warning: Self Harm, Abuse, Alcoholism** Dan Howell and Phil Lester never got along. Mostly because Dan took out his horrid home life on the people at school and Phil happened to be an easy target. But when things take a turn for the worse in both of their lives, they're forced to get to know each other better and discover things about themselves they never guessed.

Dan and Phil Oneshots by NatureHowell

Oneshots of Dan and Phil!! Any trigger warnings and number of words are stated at the beginning of each chapter. Enjoy!! :3 If you have any requests let me know :-)

Depression//Phan by bluetroyee

(tw: s*lf-h*rm, mentions of s*lf-h*rm, d*pr*ss*d scenes. May be triggering for some. Read at your own limit, please!) Phil Lester, a boy who's falling into depression slowly. And soon, his depression may end up falling to deep. He gets hateful and rude comments on his videos that he posts to YouTube. He even gets hate on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr. What did he ever do to them? What did he do to deserve any of this?? His flatmate Dan doesn't know about Phil's depression, however. All he knows (thinks, rather) is that his best friend is staying strong through all of the hateful things he gets from people. But in reality, that's not what Phil is doing at all. He's not staying strong through the hate. He's just faking the smile for Dan so he wouldn't get so worried about him. Sure, Dan might be able to crack some real smiles out of him once in a while, but not every time. He also wears long sleeves and thick bracelets to hide the scars of his pain. He acts like his normal quirky, adorable, funny, weird self when making YouTube videos, when around his friends and family, when having a meet-up with fans (or just being around them in general), when out in public, etc. Phil hadn't told anyone at all about his depression. And he probably wouldn't anytime soon, either. His fans didn't know, his friends didn't know, his family didn't know, Dan didn't know... nobody knew. But one day, would people push him over his limit? Would Dan be able to save him in time? © 2016 by bluetroyee. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Slide 1 of 10

Finding the Phandom: A Dan and Phil AU cover

The Only One (Phan) [COMPLETE] cover

Danny's Girl (Phan) cover

Save Me From Myself » Daniel Howell AU cover

psychedelia | phan cover

My Blood, Your Bones - Phan cover

Insulted / Bullied By Dan and Phil cover

If I Knew Then (Phan) cover

Dan and Phil Oneshots cover

Depression//Phan cover

Finding the Phandom: A Dan and Phil AU

Phil Lester is a YouTuber who lives in London. He has a following of, just recently, 4 million people. He has been making a name for himself. He loves his job, but he is missing something. Dan Howell is a law school drop out from the University of Manchester. He has been doing YouTube since he graduated high school. He now does YouTube full time. He has a following of six million people. He still feels lonely. What happens if Dan and Phil never met in 2009? In a world where Dan and Phil aren't "Dan and Phil", will the phandom still ship them? Will fate intervene? Warnings: Language, Depression, Self-Harm, Hospitals Cover Art credit: http://maddox-rider.tumblr.com/