The perfect pact

3 Siblings, and their journey to adulthood.

I feel like I keep everyone at a distance. I don't connect like they think I do. If I had to leave today and never see them again I would be ok, but am I? It's almost like I'm waiting for something to go wrong like I'm bunkering down in my room like a boom shelter to protect myself from getting hurt. I focus on details in the future so I can be as prepared as possible, or at least that's what I tell myself. Honestly I probably focus on the future because I will finally be free and feel like an actual person not a piece of property to fight over. They want me just to say they have me, just to rub it in the others face, just to try and prove something to everyone else. It has little to do with actually wanting me in their everyday life or knowing what's best for me. I genuinely believe that's what they have used to convince themselves they're doing what's right. Does that make it ok? They don't see all their faults so there not real, and they have forgotten all the bad moment so they didn't happen. At least thats what they try and convince us when we bring up anything from the past. It's always (rolls eyes) " I'm not talking about this it's stupid." So my feelings are stupid? You didn't feel that way in the situation so I'm wrong for how I felt and perceived it. The best part are the divided sides to the story so you always question both sides ending up even more confused to begin with. It's almost like they don't want us to truly know who they are. They want us to have a perfect image, but if that image is a blanket over the truth then everything else is a lie. When does it end? Will it ever? Is there a magic age when we can hear the truth, and know all the realities of each situation completely? Me personally I'm not going to waste my time waiting for a day that will never come. In the future when they ask why we don't have a closer relationship I'm going to blanket the truth because I learned that from the best.