Smiling (PHAN)

"Have you ever felt completely grey? And not just tired or sad or whatever, and not numb or empty, but a weird mix of all of them. Have you ever had this feeling where you feel hopeless, where everything in life seems so pointless and you feel so worthless, but you're so tired that trying to not just keep floating by would require too much energy, so you just sit there and let life pass on?

This was the feeling that sat at the bottom of Dan Howell's stomach. It had been there for a while now. He had recognized the feeling, of course, the moment it had first latched itself onto him, but he had been in denial. He couldn't believe that, after all his hard work, after he finally felt happy, this feeling of grey could creep back up on him."

***

Dan thought he was fine. He thought he had won. His life was great, he was finally out of his quarter-life crisis, and he was happy. But that was before the thoughts began to creep back up. That was before he depression and anxiety snaked back into his life, before the blades and matches began calling his name.

Last time, Phil managed to pull Dan out of his pit, but this time, will his best friend be able to save Dan from himself?

Based on my own experiences with Self Harm, Depression, Anxiety, and Existentialism, this book will hopefully bring to light the reality behind these illnesses, as well as create many angsty, feelsy moments for us all.

TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!!!
Self Harm
Suicide/Attempted Suicide/Suicidal thoughts (Trust me, this isn't a spoiler)
Self-Hatred
Existentialism
Depression
Anxiety
Mentions of death
Angst
Language
AND A SHIT TON OF PHEELS!!!!!!

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

I do not own Dan and Phil (sadly), but if they are available for adoption, I am totally up for that. I am in no way insinuating that any of these events actually happened, nor am I encouragaing self-harm or suicidal actions with the intent of hurting yourself. Please seek help if you need it. COnatct for assistance on issues of MI are listed.