Smiling (PHAN)
- Reads 139
- Votes 8
- Parts 3
Ongoing18m
Last published Sun, Apr 10, 2016
"Have you ever felt completely grey? And not just tired or sad or whatever, and not numb or empty, but a weird mix of all of them. Have you ever had this feeling where you feel hopeless, where everything in life seems so pointless and you feel so worthless, but you're so tired that trying to not just keep floating by would require too much energy, so you just sit there and let life pass on?
This was the feeling that sat at the bottom of Dan Howell's stomach. It had been there for a while now. He had recognized the feeling, of course, the moment it had first latched itself onto him, but he had been in denial. He couldn't believe that, after all his hard work, after he finally felt happy, this feeling of grey could creep back up on him."
***
Dan thought he was fine. He thought he had won. His life was great, he was finally out of his quarter-life crisis, and he was happy. But that was before the thoughts began to creep back up. That was before he depression and anxiety snaked back into his life, before the blades and matches began calling his name.
Last time, Phil managed to pull Dan out of his pit, but this time, will his best friend be able to save Dan from himself?
Based on my own experiences with Self Harm, Depression, Anxiety, and Existentialism, this book will hopefully bring to light the reality behind these illnesses, as well as create many angsty, feelsy moments for us all.
TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!!!
Self Harm
Suicide/Attempted Suicide/Suicidal thoughts (Trust me, this isn't a spoiler)
Self-Hatred
Existentialism
Depression
Anxiety
Mentions of death
Angst
Language
AND A SHIT TON OF PHEELS!!!!!!
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
I do not own Dan and Phil (sadly), but if they are available for adoption, I am totally up for that. I am in no way insinuating that any of these events actually happened, nor am I encouragaing self-harm or suicidal actions with the intent of hurting yourself. Please seek help if you need it. COnatct for assistance on issues of MI are listed.
All Rights Reserved
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{EDITING PROCESS} *BOOK ONE OF TWO* When a high school student named Davina Smith faces her senior year after a tragedy in her family, suddenly finds herself appealed to the new kids in town. She never had an interest in befriending anyone besides her childhood friends Emma and Jackson, But these kids had something about them that just made them stick out. Maybe it wasint such a bad idea to expand her social life. What could go wrong? Right..? ~~~~~~~~~~~ Davina Smith, a 17 year old with trauma of losing those close to her from past experiences and losses, is soon appealed to the new kids in town. Or more like appealed to the attractive black haired, green eyed boy. She's never been the one to want to have a relationship. Is now the time? Xavier Witts, a 18 year old boy hiding a nothing more than a couple lies... or so he says. Xavier never wanted to get attached to someone he could lose. He never to wanted to go through that again. But what happens when suddenly that person fights against his measures of protection? What happens when that person is willing to risk their life just to be with him? Luckily he would do the same ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I don't know what to do Xavier..." I cry uncontrollably into his chest as he holds onto me for dear life. "I know love. I know." "I'm such a bother to yall." I choke out. "I'm so fucking weak. I can't even defend myself." Xavier's arms unwrap from my body, and his hands hold my teary face. "I'm a worthless h-human." Xavier furrows his eyebrows in pain. A tear of his own falling down his face. "No," he says shaking his head. "No. You've never been a bother to me. You aren't weak. And you most certainly aren't worthless." I gasp to breathe, and he continues talking. "What you are is an amazing person who hasn't let all of this crazy bullshit affect her. You handled it like a champ. What you are is a strong, brave being that has stood by my side." I breathe as he leans closer. "What you are, is the love of my life...."
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