Reasons I Wouldn't Survive the Apocalypse (Did I Spell that Right?) - lissapwrites - Wattpad

Story cover for Reasons I Wouldn't Survive the Apocalypse (Did I Spell that Right?) by lissapwrites

Reasons I Wouldn't Survive the Apocalypse (Did I Spell that Right?)

Reads 14
Votes 2
Parts 2
Time <5 mins

Reads 14
Votes 2
Parts 2
Time <5 mins

apocalypse comedy funny humor survival zombies

This story will be a ton of reasons I would never, in a million years, survive the apocalypse. (I definitely just googled if I spelled that right) So, I'm not stupid. I'm also not unathletic (just realized that's probably not a word but we are going to go with it). I can run pretty fast. I am on the A-B honor roll at school and I workout as much as I can. In this book, I will be very open about my flaws, and how in a life or death situation, they would ultimately get me killed. And no, this isn't a negative book. I'm opening up about my flaws in order to make sure I am prepared in case zombies come or I have to fend for my self in whatever way YOU see the apocalypse happening.
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I want you to know, if the apocalypse happens, I'm out. Don't expect me to keep updating. It ain't gonna happen.All Rights Reserved

apocalypse comedy funny humor survival zombies

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Twisted by __sillage__

"I think I'm gay." I say, leaving out the part about my... exposing dream about him last night. I watched his expression, waiting for some sign that he was angry. I waited for him to call me a faggot, to curse me off and tell me he never wanted to see me again. Instead, I was greeted with his perfect toothy smile. "That's great man, I'm of proud you." He says, patting my arm as he stuffed another cracker in his mouth. "It takes some real balls to come out to someone." He says, his beautiful green eyes blazing into mine. I felt myself become flustered at his gaze. "Uh, Yeah, Thanks." I stumbled out, "You're not mad?" I ask. His expression turns to hurt as he crinkles his eyebrows. "Why the hell would I be mad?" He asks, hesitating on the crackers and pushing them away. "I just thought-it's just- well... you just always seem so pissed when someone mentions the word gay." I spit out words, scared for his reaction. He sighs, "That doesn't fucking mean I hate gays. Normally when I do that it's because someone's using the word 'gay' to hate on them, it just pisses me off, you know?" He asks, bringing the crackers back into his lap and biting into them. "Plus-" He adds on, "You're my best friend, if anything, you being gay is a blessing. I'll always support you." He says, glancing at me through the side of his eyes. I look away, towards the door to hide the crimson blush that I feel spread over my face. "Thanks." I all but squeak out. And that's the day I realized, I have a faint crush on my best friend. <><><><><< THIS BOOK IS BEING *MAJORLY* EDITED. THERES LOTS OF SPELLING MISTAKES AND NAME MIX UPS, SOME CHAPTERS WILL BE REWRITTEN Also, Please don't be mean to the characters, they aren't even close to perfect, but they don't deserve hate.

Rebuilding Earth by Summerlily1

I woke up confused. What just happened? Why am I on the floor? Where are we? My head hurts and my throat burns... What is going on?!! My friends see that I'm awake and from there it's all chaos... ---------------------------------------------------------- This book takes place in the future, the year 2021. I will be eventually rewriting this, although the original will remain available.

My Dear Reader Rebecca by philpw99

What will you do, when you have only 5 days left, before a dead-or-alive challenge happens? Rebecca is having a highly risky brain surgery next week. Time is extremely precious for her. Yet she chooses to finish reading a book, which is unfortunately mine. I am a failing writer whose stories go nowhere. There are still two more chapters to write for this book, but I am having a writer's block. I visit her in the hospital, and greatly inspired by her courage under the unfortunate circumstances. However, can I finish the book in time for her? I'll try my best. Once again, my mind flies back to the post-apocalypse world of my fiction, searching for a way to end the book properly... ...... This is an attempt to mix comedy with tragedy. Some content is quite heavy, like cancer, depression, sick patients...etc. So prepare a tissue, just in case. I wrote and posted the first 3 chapters 4 years ago, yet due to my stupidity and insensitivity, I lost a dear friend over this story, which I regretted deeply. The idea was first inspired by another friend, who gave me some first hand experience of a cancer patient. Can't thank her enough. It's totally my fault that this story was delayed for so long. It's simply too good to waste, and not fair for her priceless contribution. There are also various things inspired by different friends online, who once bared their souls to me. Sincerely appreciate their friendship. It has totally 8 chapters. Each one has about 2000 to 3000 words. Disclaimer: Everything here is fake, never happened and completely fabricated by my wild imagination. The story has nothing to do with Wattpad or any website, because seriously, nothing is real here. If someone happens to have a similar experience, that's just coincidence. Copyrights of Becca Franco, Bill Cadogan and "The 100" TV series belongs to The CW Network.

The Perks of Having The Perv Boss by krsdnlslta

The more he gets closer, the deeper the kiss gets. My hands weren't able to move, they are just on the side of my body. He slowly pulled out of the kiss and starts to trail kisses on my cheeks and down to my neck. "Stop. Get away from me." I said in a weak and soft tone of voice. I felt his lips form into a smile and said, "I can't. You're just too darn irresistible." After he said those words, I felt his lips get back on mine as he started giving me the passionate kiss that we shared just a moment ago. I slowly felt his hands travelled towards my waist, when I felt his hand going up and towards to my sensitive part of my body, my eyes slowly opened. In my surprise, I felt his hand touching my breast. I didn't know that I still have some power left in me that I pushed him away and immediately connected my fists towards his face. -- Juliet, a popular yet not so rich high school student who is on her senior year, has been experiencing a lot of problems lately and she insist on keeping it to herself because she doesn't want anyone to be troubled with her problem. She has been working so hard to be able to get her problems done with, but what will she do if she happens to encounter an obnoxious, hot and perverted college brat who happens to be her boss? Will he help her get through her problems? or will he be the one to add on her problems? Warning: The story contains mature content so it may not be suitable for young audiences. Read at your own risk. ;)

Unstoppable by Chunks_Of_Flesh

The claws had emerged before I'd even realised, gently tearing their way through my skin, running their way through my arms and changing my body into the one thing I thought I'd hated, but I'd begun to love more than anything: a monster. ---------------------- High school. A place where children go to grow their minds and adapt to adulthood. Where nothing but popularity and grades matter. I was a weird kid. I still am, but that's besides the point. One day, I walked into the wrong class, and something went wrong. Turns out, Things got weirder and weirder. Suddenly, popularity and grades don't really matter anymore. Survival does. ---------------------- *Blood, gore, violent murders, etc. Do happen in this book. * *It is in no way linked to any sort of actual murders or shootings (no shootings happen in a school) that have or will happen. My thoughts and respect go out to all of the families affected to any of this, and the only reason this book was created is because my ideas are lack lustre at best.* *I try to keep every chapter limited to around 1000 words. If the chapters feel short, I'm very sorry* ---------------------- \_(•_•)_/

Ex-Heroes by SepticeyeLadd

Who would've know that Call of Duty Zombies, YouTubers, and reality, don't mix well together. I figured this out as soon as the apocalypse hit. My names (Y/N). I'm a 21 year old girl that loved to play video games and make videos about it then and post it to YouTube, well I did before this hit. My YouTube name was The Gaming Theory (Not associated with my other book!) I had around 3 million subscribers and was living a damn good life in Los Angeles. Then...... It all just went away, just like that. No one knows how. No one knows why, it all just happened. Now, I'm fighting for my own survival against the undead. That was until I met a group of guys, and that changed everything for my survival. I'm very bad when it comes to descriptions, but when it comes to the actual book, that's when things heat up! If the first few chapters are shit I really am sorry, but trust me it will get better! (This is an xreader type book!) (Caution: Strong Language!) (Caution: Some descriptive parts!) COMPLETED!

They Call Me Daring by GreenPastels

Let's get one thing straight here, I'm not a hero (I totally am, but I hear that these days being modest is in fashion or something, so I don't know man). I never planned on being a hero. It kind of just happened. Clark's the bigshot. The fame, the girls, the attention. Me? I'm just his loser younger brother. Another rich Trackerson kid, but that quiet one with no personality. I'm kidding. I'm funny. I promise. I have to be. The name's Liam. The apocalypse wasn't easy on anyone, but it was harder on some. We made it okay. My family lives in a mansion, and we basically run this town. I come from a line of famous zombie-hunters. Not me, though. I kind of suck. I was never supposed to get bitten. I'm running out of time. I'm turning, and it's happening fast. People are rising up, feuds are breaking out, the world is ending all over again; and it's all up to me to stop it. Or something. Crazy, right? Anyway, I've got to go. I guess the good part is, if they find out my secret-if they kill me-at least not many people are going to miss me. I just hope they get my name right. L-I-A-M. It's not hard. Please, for the love of humanity, remember my name. Whatever they call me after all this, remember my name.

Victim of Love by Kitty_19

"Hey, Dan?" "Yes, Mark?" "Did you know that I'm lacking a vitamin?" "Really? Shouldn't we get that checked? Also, which one?" "I'm lacking Vitamin U." "And here I thought it was something serious." "It is serious! I need to recharge, so come into my loving arms!" "I'd rather go into the loving arms of a cannibalistic grizzly bear." "You wound me, Danny." "And I hope it kills you." "Seriously, kid, you're really mean. Why can't you just accept my love?" "Why can't you just accept that I hate you?" Mark chuckles and ruffles my hair. "You're just too cute, Danny." I roll my eyes, biting back a smile. Mark isn't actually a half-bad person. Maybe I should be nicer... "I love how small you are! Just like a tiny little baby!" He exclaims, grinning and pinches my cheeks. Okay, I take that back.

I Checked Out the Badboy's Boxers by itzdelicate

"Not the typical cliche teen fiction" "You're hooked from the get go. Pretty much similar to when you can't stop eating till the last slice of pizza, or have the eagerness to pee, but can't because you're scared that if you stop reading you'll miss the intensity each word brings." "There isn't even a word good enough to describe this book. I'm speechless." - "Please Lexa?" Elle looks at me, "Just fill in my spot for ten minutes." At that moment I was calm, what could go wrong with running a checkout isle for ten minutes? As it turns out, everything. -- "Why are you checking me out?" His voice questions. Even his voice is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. Not to mention the broad shoulder, killer jawlined boy it came from. "I wasn't, I swear!" My cheeks blush ferociously. How the hell did he notice? In fact I'd always thought I was pretty stealthy. He just chuckles and looks at me, a rambling mess, "Yes you are." "Okay, alright, you know what-" I pause trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered dignity from the floor, "Maybe you shouldn't come in here like a fracking ambercrombie model and then on top of that blame a poor little innocent girl for looking-" "I meant those. You're checking me out." He gestures to the items laying across the counter and the scanner in my hand. Oh shit. Let me just repeat that for a moment now. Oh shit. -- Started: 12/27/15 Ended: 10/24/18 February 2019: #1 HUMOR -- Warning: I cannot guarantee you will walk away from this book unaffected

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Slide 1 of 9

Rebuilding Earth cover

My Dear Reader Rebecca cover

The Perks of Having The Perv Boss cover

Unstoppable cover

Ex-Heroes cover

They Call Me Daring cover

Victim of Love cover

I Checked Out the Badboy's Boxers cover

Twisted

"I think I'm gay." I say, leaving out the part about my... exposing dream about him last night. I watched his expression, waiting for some sign that he was angry. I waited for him to call me a faggot, to curse me off and tell me he never wanted to see me again. Instead, I was greeted with his perfect toothy smile. "That's great man, I'm of proud you." He says, patting my arm as he stuffed another cracker in his mouth. "It takes some real balls to come out to someone." He says, his beautiful green eyes blazing into mine. I felt myself become flustered at his gaze. "Uh, Yeah, Thanks." I stumbled out, "You're not mad?" I ask. His expression turns to hurt as he crinkles his eyebrows. "Why the hell would I be mad?" He asks, hesitating on the crackers and pushing them away. "I just thought-it's just- well... you just always seem so pissed when someone mentions the word gay." I spit out words, scared for his reaction. He sighs, "That doesn't fucking mean I hate gays. Normally when I do that it's because someone's using the word 'gay' to hate on them, it just pisses me off, you know?" He asks, bringing the crackers back into his lap and biting into them. "Plus-" He adds on, "You're my best friend, if anything, you being gay is a blessing. I'll always support you." He says, glancing at me through the side of his eyes. I look away, towards the door to hide the crimson blush that I feel spread over my face. "Thanks." I all but squeak out. And that's the day I realized, I have a faint crush on my best friend. <><><><><< THIS BOOK IS BEING MAJORLY EDITED. THERES LOTS OF SPELLING MISTAKES AND NAME MIX UPS, SOME CHAPTERS WILL BE REWRITTEN Also, Please don't be mean to the characters, they aren't even close to perfect, but they don't deserve hate.