Bewildered

First day of school was nerve wrecking. Its all about socializing people and creating your own reputation. I wanted to be that perfect girl who is always positive and friends with everyone at school, EVERYONE. Unfortunately, it did not go as planned. I was very awkward and self-concious with surprisingly not my looks but the quality i have. Atleast i made friends at school so i was very happy with that. The good thing was the negativity i received did not remind me of the past because it was mostly like: "omg move!" "are you deaf?" "youre really awkward" "....slave" etc. I do get annoyed but i was patient about it. But then i realized that my ex-bestfriend manipulated me, pointing out all my insecurities, and spreading my secrets i shared. My eyes watered, with dizzy thoughts, words whispers "its time to change, your weak." This is when my attitude changed. I became more upfront and defensive of myself. Everytime someone criticize how i act, i retaliate back with words. I do have my ups and downs, gone through so much experiences. However, towards the end, i became confused, lost, and miserable. What is this feeling?