Bewildered
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- Parts 1
First day of school was nerve wrecking. Its all about socializing people and creating your own reputation. I wanted to be that perfect girl who is always positive and friends with everyone at school, EVERYONE. Unfortunately, it did not go as planned. I was very awkward and self-concious with surprisingly not my looks but the quality i have. Atleast i made friends at school so i was very happy with that. The good thing was the negativity i received did not remind me of the past because it was mostly like: "omg move!" "are you deaf?" "youre really awkward" "....slave" etc. I do get annoyed but i was patient about it. But then i realized that my ex-bestfriend manipulated me, pointing out all my insecurities, and spreading my secrets i shared. My eyes watered, with dizzy thoughts, words whispers "its time to change, your weak." This is when my attitude changed. I became more upfront and defensive of myself. Everytime someone criticize how i act, i retaliate back with words. I do have my ups and downs, gone through so much experiences. However, towards the end, i became confused, lost, and miserable. What is this feeling?
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so, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been so exhausted. I'm not better, I'm not sure if i ever will be, but I'm not numb, not entirely. I can't say how I'm feeling, or what i am going to write, but if you want it, it's here. This is for you. For everyone who was made to be the villain by those meant to be by their sides. For everyone with a sensitive heart made to grow strong much too quickly. For everyone who struggles to get out of bed in the morning. For everyone who never could find the words to say why. For everyone who struggles to feel and for everyone who feels too much. For everyone who had to pick themselves back up. For everyone who had to parent themselves. For everyone fighting an invisible battle. For everyone who has been underestimated. For everyone who has to flee to other worlds to cope. For everyone who found other means to silence their voices. For everyone who was silenced. For everyone who was over powered. For everyone who was made to be less. For everyone who had to watch someone else suffer and stay silent. For everyone asking themselves, why? Why would you do this? What did I do? Why is this happening to me? It was never your fault.
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