The Pain Behind My Eyes

Reads 837
Votes 51
Parts 39
Time 23m

Reads 837
Votes 51
Parts 39
Time 23m

Hey guys this is just a random book where I'm just gonna rant about what goes on in my head the truth and pain behind my eyes and faked smiles don't read if you don't want to knowAll Rights Reserved

feeling lonely sadness

Table of contents

39 parts

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I Fell in Love with a Bad Boy by Beautiful_Tragedy8

CRINGE WARNING! First book I ever wrote on here!! -- "Sometimes the person who you are willing to take a bullet for is the person behind the gun." I stood peering over the cold lifeless body that lay before my eyes. I had always thought of death the enemy, but right now, I blessed it upon the person who is now at peace. Sometimes you don't need to be the smartest, or the fastest, but you do need to be wisest. They say the blood runs deeper than water, and I believe it, because even though the people that we love can turn on us and begin to hate us, they are only human, meaning that soon they will begin to see how short life really is and how it is not to be wasted. People who seem perfect and they look like they have no floors'; they are the people who are suffering, like I was. But I found my savior in the most uncommon place. He was able to look through my mask, he saw the cracks, and tried to fix the broken girl that hid away deep inside the girl who only wanted to be seen as 'fine'. I slowly began to find comfort and safety in him, and I did the same to him. We were two broken people becoming whole. Someone once said when you pass, if you can count your true friends on one hand you are beyond lucky, and I even though I did not like the person that lay before me, I know that he once had true friends, including me. I'm a 17 year old girl who has suffered more than any other, beginning to believe that 'Hope' was just another word the people throw around. Until I fell in love with a badboy. Trailer to the side -------------------> Made By @Laura__1 Cover made by @Beautiful_Tragedy8 Copyright 2014

Rants, dreams, stuff in real life.... Whatever else I feel like putting on here. When ... is a chapter, it's real life rantish stuff that you read at your own risk. Life's been stressful lately. Marked as complete to prevent deletion.

Warning: I am a weirdo. This will contain some thoughts of mine, some poems, some deep shit, some thoughts I have as I go through the journey of self-exploration, lmao. Some chapters may be seen as too controversial but whatever you know. I mean, reading this is your choice. You don't have to. I mean, I'd like you all to read every chapter but it's not a story book so you may skip some chapters you don't like and read the ones that you do like. P.S. I do not deny that my thoughts are somewhat influenced by my environment and experiences. Also, this is the real me. Some people think I'm quiet and cold-hearted but on the inside I'm actually a big softie with feelings. To be honest, it's kinda my fault since I hate revealing my emotions to other people or even asking for help until I have to. And even then, I start hating myself for being such a weakling. That is a major character flaw of mine that I must overcome!

Eccedentesiast [ex-ced-den-tee-she-ist] (n.) Someone who fakes a smile, when all they want to do is cry, disappear, and/or die. *I won't give previews to avoid any spoilers* WARNING ⚠️ - Mature language/themes - Descriptive stuff that may trigger many readers - Self-harm - Suicide - And many more that I won't list to avoid spoilers *If any of these things trigger you, please be cautious. If you are suffering with any of the things listed, please seek help. Remember to do it willingly, don't hesitate to send me a private message if you want to talk about your problems. I'm here to listen, even if it's just for some advice. Currently under Revision, but is complete :)

"I think I'm gay." I say, leaving out the part about my... exposing dream about him last night. I watched his expression, waiting for some sign that he was angry. I waited for him to call me a faggot, to curse me off and tell me he never wanted to see me again. Instead, I was greeted with his perfect toothy smile. "That's great man, I'm of proud you." He says, patting my arm as he stuffed another cracker in his mouth. "It takes some real balls to come out to someone." He says, his beautiful green eyes blazing into mine. I felt myself become flustered at his gaze. "Uh, Yeah, Thanks." I stumbled out, "You're not mad?" I ask. His expression turns to hurt as he crinkles his eyebrows. "Why the hell would I be mad?" He asks, hesitating on the crackers and pushing them away. "I just thought-it's just- well... you just always seem so pissed when someone mentions the word gay." I spit out words, scared for his reaction. He sighs, "That doesn't fucking mean I hate gays. Normally when I do that it's because someone's using the word 'gay' to hate on them, it just pisses me off, you know?" He asks, bringing the crackers back into his lap and biting into them. "Plus-" He adds on, "You're my best friend, if anything, you being gay is a blessing. I'll always support you." He says, glancing at me through the side of his eyes. I look away, towards the door to hide the crimson blush that I feel spread over my face. "Thanks." I all but squeak out. And that's the day I realized, I have a faint crush on my best friend. <><><><><< THIS BOOK IS BEING *MAJORLY* EDITED. THERES LOTS OF SPELLING MISTAKES AND NAME MIX UPS, SOME CHAPTERS WILL BE REWRITTEN Also, Please don't be mean to the characters, they aren't even close to perfect, but they don't deserve hate.

The corner of his mouth tilts upward slightly. I smile again. A smile!? A tiny one, but still. "Hm. So I got you to smile, that's progress, yeah? Can I get your name now?" I ask, swinging my feel a little. He shakes his head shyly, his mouth not moving at all. Geez! Why do I want to hear this dude talk so much? "Okay, that's fine. I can give you a nickname." I offer happily. He looks up from his book, raising his eyebrows. I just stare for a moment. He has nice eyes. Pretty brown chocolate orbs. They remind me so much of....... "Teddy." He shakes his head immediately, frowning. "What, why not? You remind me of my old teddy bear. He was a good listener and he didn't talk much..... just like you." I say softly, tilting my head. He continues to shake his head. I fold my arms, leaning back in my seat. "Yeah, it's definitely sticking. Teddy.....It has a nice ring to it, yeah?" He sighs, the first sound I have ever heard him make. "No." . . . *Jordan* Teddy!? Seriously!? She gave me a fucking NICKNAME!? What the hell does this girl want!? I stuff my hands into my pockets, walking down the busy street. Forget about her. She's just a annoying pretty girl, she'll go away. Everybody does. She HAS to go away. *Spoiler alert*: she doesn't. Don't get close to people or they'll end up getting hurt. That's my mindset. I've been through enough of that. This girl doesn't belong in my world anyway. She's too innocent. *Mature content* {Just a quick update, I am basically rewriting the story. I wrote it when I was in 8th grade and it makes me cringe every time I try to go back and edit it so keep in mind that it'll get better}

COMPLETED!!! here's a snip bit ! "Hey Belle" he said with a cheeky smile. I look up and give him the fakest smile i can put on "did my constant harasser also become my stalker?" i said referring to him saying my name before looking back at my computer. He sat down next to me. "Not a stalker or a harasser just an acquaintance" he said before continuing "also i got your name from your friend, also let her know i do not want her please and thank you" he said before getting up "she doesn't want you either" i responded not moving my eyes from the screen "definitely not what she said last night" he said flashing me a smile which i rolled my eyes to. I was sincerely praying he was grabbing his stuff to go so i wouldn't have another interaction with him, but of course not. His friend left and he came back and sat by me. "I'm trying to do homework can you please go somewhere else" i said in a heavily annoyed tone. "See i would, but one i think you like me too much to actually want me to leave" he said before i cut him off "i don't" he laughed before continuing "this next part is really gonna suck then" he said pausing obviously waiting for a reaction out of me which i don't give him. "fine. you're no fun. we have to schedule our tutoring times" he said before nudging me "i'm your first student to tutor surprise!" he said in a tone that i can only describe as annoying because that's all he is, is annoying. I look up at his face that's gleaming with joy purely because i'm annoyed.

ᵞᴬᴺᴰᴱᴿᴱ ᶜᴿᵁˢᴴ ˣ ᶠᴼᴿᴹᴱᴿ ᵞᴬᴺᴰᴱᴿᴱ ᴿᴱᴬᴰᴱᴿ WILL EDIT WHEN COMPLETED!! #5 lime 20220621 #1 Yandere 20230409 (Bffr 💀 🤣) #2 Obsession 20230409 (Y'all crazy 🧋👀) "You're fucking crazy!!" I shouted. Ironic, right? I was in the exact same position he was in before. "I'm crazy for you. Literally. I would do anything and I mean anything to keep you all to myself." He tells me, scoffing at the thought of something as if he found an inside joke. "I know selfish. I know I'm supposed to be a good Christian boy and here I am... haha... killing people for you~" The psycho admits, gazing at me with a grin on his face. Holding a bloody knife in his grasp. The sharp point's on his index finger, slowly twirling it. "You're crazy for me, you said you love me and-" "I WAS crazy for you but I wasn't that crazy to KILL innocent people for you because I knew I had issues but this is beyond insane!" I'm standing face to face in front of my brainwashed crush. The one I kidnapped and told him things that was beyond coherence to him at the moment. I confessed my feelings for him in the same method. ---- But he was never like this because I was the one that changed him. It was me. After almost two months of captivity, I let him go. For the reason of him: never loving me. I Deleted my social media accounts, dropped my classes, and burned his stuff I kept. I haven't seen him for days until one day when I was walking to my classes. I accidentally bumped into him with my schedule and he grabbed it amongst the other miscellaneous stuff, and ever since then, I've been seeing him everywhere. At times, I wish he would've just reported me. Because this is a living nightmare. Started: 20210327 (I think?) Ended:

An Everlasting Problem (Phun And Noh AU Fan Fiction) by LittleKittyWasabi

This is a boy x boy fan fiction. Don't like gay love then move on. This isn't the story for you. There will be cursing in this story. If you don't like profanity please move on. Thank you. ============================ Cover by: JaeMi1 ============================ Have you ever met a vampire? No? Ah, lucky you. Vampires are a pain in the ass. Trust me I've met a couple. Thanks to that stupid ass Ohm I was stalked, forced to co-habitat, and pushed into some weird confusing battle going on for a stupid title. Pain in the asses! The biggest issue was the feelings stirring inside me. They're weird and icky. No matter what I do I can't stop them. And they get worse whenever that jerk, Phun, is near me. My heart constricts and my brain gets weird. Can't I just go back to my peaceful life, please? Excerpt: I shuffled my feet, staring down at them, growing far more uncomfortable than I ever wanted to be. I heard a deep chuckle roll from him. My eyes shot up to meet his. I had to swallow down my agitation as his eyes twinkled with amusement. Can you believe it? The bastard found my reactions funny! My face crumbled into a sneer. I slammed my hands on the arms of my chair and pushed myself up. I glared at the bastard, trying my best to make my face as ruthless as I could. The infuriating man chuckled again, his smirk blooming into a full smile. I had to force down whatever feelings was bubbling up. He had an amazing smile. Heart racing and knee melting type of amazing. =============================== This is an AU fan fiction. I do not own the characters portrayed in this story, I merely asked them to dance to a different beat. The characters are created and owned by INDRYTIMES ( twitter: @hedshew) Show her love for these wonderful characters and her amazing story. ===============================

I Fell in Love with a Bad Boy

CRINGE WARNING! First book I ever wrote on here!! -- "Sometimes the person who you are willing to take a bullet for is the person behind the gun." I stood peering over the cold lifeless body that lay before my eyes. I had always thought of death the enemy, but right now, I blessed it upon the person who is now at peace. Sometimes you don't need to be the smartest, or the fastest, but you do need to be wisest. They say the blood runs deeper than water, and I believe it, because even though the people that we love can turn on us and begin to hate us, they are only human, meaning that soon they will begin to see how short life really is and how it is not to be wasted. People who seem perfect and they look like they have no floors'; they are the people who are suffering, like I was. But I found my savior in the most uncommon place. He was able to look through my mask, he saw the cracks, and tried to fix the broken girl that hid away deep inside the girl who only wanted to be seen as 'fine'. I slowly began to find comfort and safety in him, and I did the same to him. We were two broken people becoming whole. Someone once said when you pass, if you can count your true friends on one hand you are beyond lucky, and I even though I did not like the person that lay before me, I know that he once had true friends, including me. I'm a 17 year old girl who has suffered more than any other, beginning to believe that 'Hope' was just another word the people throw around. Until I fell in love with a badboy. Trailer to the side -------------------> Made By @Laura__1 Cover made by @Beautiful_Tragedy8 Copyright 2014

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