The Vulnerable Christrian Diary
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- Parts 9
Now, more than ever, I want to be transparent. I want the world to know that I am a mess pursuing perfection which only comes through pursuing Christ. So please have a look at the lessons I have learnt and the lessons I'm still learning, hopefully these topics will encourage you.
Plus don't be afraid to message me about anything. I cannot wait to get to know you! God bless you!
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Cold Water
[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ DepressionComplete
Letters to God (Compact Version)
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He saved you He saved me What about others?
The world was full of trouble. Full of confusion and a catastrophic dilemma. One couldn't imagine at what destructive measure it would disintegrate into. While so many things were done to make the world a better place. At some point, it would later be revealed that the biggest problem was not a lack of educational facilities or a lack of health facilities. Believe it or not, Africa, also wasn't the world's biggest problem. The problem with the world today is sin. Sin brought about problems that would perpetuate into many more generations to come! It's almost unbelievable that someone would leave greener pastures to settle in a beat-down environment like Earth. One would wonder what this being could ever want. If life existed beyond the surfaces of our universe, why stay? If there was the possibility of walking with a glory that outshined the brightness of the sun, why hesitate? God cannot love us anymore than He loves our neighbor. His love tank is so vast that it accommodates everyone. Had He only sent Jesus Christ to the rich or the poor in African households, His love would then be conditioned to those that qualified. What makes His love so unique and strange is that He loves the broken and the sinners. He loves those of us that are unlikeable and unattractive. He persuaded His only son to die gruesomely to have all of mankind at His bosom. In the movies, opening doors and buying a bouquet of flowers is symbolic of love. In families, love is expressed in many different kind of forms. Even animals have ways in which they show affection. While all of that might stand out. It cannot be compared to the love of God. God can feel love, and He is love!Complete
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It's Okay to Use Your Big Girl Voice
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Logan
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[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression
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