Unrequited Meeting
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- Parts 1
Ongoing8m
Last published Thu, Jul 11, 2013
This was all Dr. Smith's, my therapist, idea of getting me to open up. On pencil and paper. Then, when my story was official with words I could voice out my frustration, get to the core.
It wasn't always about VeAnna Ellison. In fact there was a time when I fell in love prior to her. Somehow though, she seems to be the one that reminds me of everything I messed up or missed with all those other girls I apparently loved.
"I'm not a screw up like my father, I swear."
VeAnna told me to say that everyday because the more I said it the more I started to believe it. Though there's a thin line between sanity and truth. And I was sure that I had lost all sanity. So in all truth, I mean sanity, I was probably just as screwed up as my father after my fourteenth year of life.
Something happened; I turned into a badass.
There's irony in my words when I said I'd never be like my father; because I wake up every morning, look in the mirror and see the face of a deceitful bastard.
Yet I still tried to convince myself, "I'm not a screw up like my father, I swear." Or maybe that was just everyone else I was trying to convince because somewhere deep down I knew the truth.
So now I'm trying to be happy and get back on track. First I have to discover some things like: When did I become identical to my father, and not in the physical ways, When did I meet VeAnna, Why did she leave?
I miss her. Will it ever stop hurting just thinking that? When can I let go?
I'm sorry I stole your first kiss Emily.
I'm sorry I broke your heart Peyton.
I'm sorry I led you on Kayla.
I'm sorry I punched you in the eye out of jealousy Ryan.
I'm sorry I fell in love with you Hailey.
I'm sorry I never loved like you loved me Jenna.
I'm sorry for turning my back on you Zane.
I'm sorry I couldn't stop caring Hailey.
I'm sorry I stopped talking to you mom.
I'm sorry I was born dad.
I'm sorry I didn't say I love you enough VeAnna. I'm sorry I screwed up VeAnna. I'm just... sorry VeAnna.
I'm sorry.
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#510
peyton
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