Is Life Worth Me Staying
- Reads 23
- Votes 2
- Parts 2
Complete Thu, May 5, 2016<5 mins
Depression is the worst thing there is ur at a consent battle between you self you ether survive or you die trying is a war and it's hard cause alot of people die trying to make it I'm one of those many people for years I had depression anxiety and it's always seemed to get worse everyday no matter how hard people tried I wouldn't get better I wouldn't smile he'll I wouldn't even laugh do u know what it's like not to laugh for 4 months straight it sucks and it hurts I hold my tears back and I cut my skin with the cold blade I watch all the blood pour out my skin and down my arm to the floor I think it's my pain going away but in reality it's not it does nothing your just sitting there hurting ur self even more then what u already are for the longest I believed that doing that help and ik we all heard this one before CUTTING DOESN'T DO ANYTHING BUT MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE !!
Now I'm sure we all heard that before and we had a I fair fights with people who tell us that ..
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Loneliness. Depression. Broken. Scared. Devastated. Hopeless. Mournful. Disheartening. Bleak. Joyless. Somber. I have no one. Depression and Loneliness are the only things I feel. My family tries to make me happy, but I just put on a fake smile and cry about it in my room. They act like everything is alright, but everything is not. They KNOW I was devastated about Mom's murder. They KNOW I was heartbroken about Dad's sickness that eventually killed him. That's all I've thought about. Devastation and heartbroken. Just because of those two things. Never in my life I have been this devastating. Dayton, Hayden, Angel, or Monica know how to make me truly happy. Not even my own siblings know how to make me show a real smile. Suicide is all I can think about day to day and I've almost died because of that. DEPRESSION IS A REAL THING. NO ONE KNOWS HOW I FEEL EVERYDAY. NO ONE CAN JUDGE OTHERS ABOUT DEPRESSION OR EVEN MAKE JOKES ABOUT IT BECAUSE ITS A REAL THING. DEPRESSION HAS KILLED PEOPLE. EVERYONE IN MY LIFE JUDGES ME JUST BECAUSE I DON'T SMILE, LAUGH, HUG, OR DO ANYTHING NORMAL PEOPLE DO. I CUT MYSELF, I CRY, I YELL, I VENT, I PUSH PEOPLE OUT OF MY LIFE. Those are the things people are worried about me. "Go kill yourself and join your parents in hell." They say and I just shrug it off and find a private place to hide and cry it out. "I CAN'T DEAL WITH LIFE ANYMORE!!!!" I say and I use my sharp nails and cut myself then cry some more. A gun is buried within my arm for defense from my dad, but I use it in case I am tired of society. Then that's when I met the Host Club. They saw my sadness and made me a part of it to repay my debt for accidentally breaking a vase. I am now a Host for men to flatter them, but how can normal guys want me to be a Host when I wear lip earrings, eyeliner, chains, and have a gun in my arm? I'm the definition of Hell. Then he made me smile again, something that I thought I would never get back. Happiness.
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