Clown

I lay there, silent and sombre, staring at the broken bulbs of my ceiling lamp, allowing the cigarette I held slowly burn down, I realised I was nothing to nobody. Everyone I loved, I'd pushed away. Everyone I wanted to love, I pushed away. Helplessly searching for someone who understands, someone who takes my insults for the compliments they're supposed to be, someone who treats me like their queen, not just a court jester or someone to take no real interest in. My audience was empty, no one wants to see a clown cry. Emotions have never connected with me, love never held me in its warm embrace, never sang its sweet song to the concert halls of my heart.