Clown
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- Parts 1
I lay there, silent and sombre, staring at the broken bulbs of my ceiling lamp, allowing the cigarette I held slowly burn down, I realised I was nothing to nobody. Everyone I loved, I'd pushed away. Everyone I wanted to love, I pushed away. Helplessly searching for someone who understands, someone who takes my insults for the compliments they're supposed to be, someone who treats me like their queen, not just a court jester or someone to take no real interest in. My audience was empty, no one wants to see a clown cry. Emotions have never connected with me, love never held me in its warm embrace, never sang its sweet song to the concert halls of my heart.
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My name has been forgotten, tossed away like a piece of trash. I do not talk. I do not look anyone in the eyes. My hands shake from my past and I barley sleep at night. I always hear the grunts and the groans of the men that abuse me. I see the insanity in their eyes. They see the fear in mine. I had a chance to escape. I took it but it landed me back in the same position. It seems like I will never escape.
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