My unpredictable existence

My unpredictable existence

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Sat, Jul 20, 2013
My life has always been unpredictable. I've never stood out besides my height and "pretty" face, as my mother says. I've kept quiet and don't take interest in men, for this reason is unknown. I don't desire a man's touch. I don't look at men and feel a sexual tension. I'm not shy, or insecure; just not happy with myself. Over the years I have acquired many thoughts about the person I want to become in the future. Being at a young age of 18, I've always wanted to be loved like someone in a love story. I wanted to believe in that love was real. Maybe I knew that love was real, but the fact of someone loving me didn't always convince me that indeed, love was factual. I also always knew in the back of my head that we, as humans, weren't always alone on earth. I used to call myself insane for thinking this, but today at this moment, I'm not insane. And this is my story on how I discovered my sanity.
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(Though highly recommend to read the book "Obsession, Madness & Love" first, this book can be read as a standalone.) ____________________________________________ I made a mistake. A terrible one. I betrayed my best friend. The only person who ever cared for me. But I had no choice. Then there's his younger sister, Maria Andrews who always looked up to me as if I was some kind of an angel, little does she know that I am far away from that. And now I am on the run, trying to leave everything behind. But it's been four years, four fucking years since her eighteenth birthday when she confessed having feelings for me. For Me. And her words still haunt me, the tears in her eyes when I rejected her still burn my heart but I did what I had to do. People don't love me, especially women...they only seek pleasure from me. I am not a lovable person and someone you should definitely steer clear of. Getting involved with my best friend's (or ex best friend's) sister is stupid and I'm fucking mature enough to not even think of her, of someone who is eight years younger than me. But now, she is here and God help me, I am about to cross every fucking line.

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