The Story Of Us
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- Parts 5
There's an ache in my chest, an ache that aches ten times worse when I'm reminded of him, like when I catch a whiff of that stupid cologne he used to wear, or when I stumble across an old photo of him stuffed in my journal. I like it though, it's painful, but it's the only thing of him that I have left.
Our story is a sad one, the receipts from our dates had faded, just like his love for me had...
In every relationship, no matter how much you try to deny it, there's always one person who loves the other more, I guess I was that person.
I'm a clingy girl and for this reason I'm writing our story down, so hopefully I can let go, hopefully I can move on from him, from us.
This story is the truth, the hardcore unforgiving truth that is life. And I'm making a pact with myself, that after this, after our story has been told, that I will move on, that I will forget about him, about us.
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"Will be there in 20?" The message from Dean reads. My brain says I should text back saying 'I will rip your balls off if you come over' or 'I am not a sex toy, you could come over and use me as and when you please' or at least a simple 'No'. But I don't. I squat next to my bed and pull out the white powder to numb the pain. I told myself that I am done with Dean and I am going to get my life back together. I cleaned up, battled withdrawals and even improved my grades. One text from him and I am snorting coke. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let Dean treat me like trash? Why do I set myself up knowing that it's only a matter of time before he will run back to Sherley leaving me in limbo? Why? l have asked myself the same question a million times but I couldn't come up with an answer that I can use to justify myself. When it came to Dean, I was a masochist. I let him use me and discard me without any fight. Dean was my first Friend. Kiss. Sex. Love. Everything. I wanted to be his everything too. I was his first Friend. Kiss and Sex but Love.. that was Sherley. His family chauffeur's daughter. I want to be a better human and say I didn't hate her. But I am not. I am just human and I hate her with the ferocious of a thousand sun. I hate that she plays him like a fiddle and he dances to it. I hate that they fight for silly reasons and Dean comes running to me. I hate that I let him in even when I know she will reel him back in no time. I hate that he is my weakness and Sherley is his. I wished that my best friend would turn to be my lover. But he just ripped my heart out. It time to let go and move on.
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