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WpMetadataNoticeÚltima atualização ter, jan 10, 2017
embarrassed myself. humiliated. suffering in the imploring agony of self hatred and anxiety. I'm worried when he looks at me he'll see the mistake I made withdrawing what I said. "can we stop with that?" of course we can. I'd stop time for you. I'd stop the turn of the earth. I'd do anything for you, but you want me to stop. I'll stop breathing if that's what you want, baby. I'm worrying you? no, I'm worrying my self over nothing. always nothing. nothing keeps me up at night. --- yet i crave it. the pleasurable pleasantness of nothing. the feeling of satisfaction as your eyes blur with tears and you turn your head on your pillow. your mouth agape. eyes open staring at the black nothing. the words escape your lips. why do they always do that? I may never know. then again, I don't want to.
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positivity
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Alex.. That's all I remembered that summer night 3 years ago.. It was my 19th birthday and I was celebrating at the beach house, like we always did. Together. This summer was different. This summer was magical.. However, All I could remember was the tanned skin, in my bed, the morning after, cursing under his breath, searching for his clothes. All I remembered was his first name, after I peeked at a message that lit up on his phone, asking "Where are you, Alex? It starts in an hour." I remember the day before, but due to the alcohol in my system, it still was a blur. All i remember was the steamyness we shared and that he was in a rush, saying absoluetly nothing. Until he was gone.. I have been to that beach house every birthday since.. It's like he vanished and was only a memory. He only existed that one day on my 19th birthday. The laughs, the sun, the warm fuzzy feeling. It was perfect. Until it was gone. Vanished. It was the only time I felt like me, warm fuzzy, in the beach I loved, the mysterious man I met just that morning at breakfast who I spent the entire day with, it was the first summer I felt like myself ironic enough, falling for a man who i just met, He made me feel alive more than ever. He sent a spark in me. It was the first and only summer, I felt pretty inside AND out. Until I saw him.. 10 feet away from me. A beautiful woman attached to his hip, arm around her and PREGNANT. My world crashes around me and I can't breathe.

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