The Love that I Never Had

The Love that I Never Had

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You were my first love. Masyado akong takot magmahal noon. All I thought, ako lang ang nagmamahal sa'yo. Ikaw ba naman ang pinakamatalino sa klase? Sino ba naman ako para pansinin mo? Ni hindi rin ako kagandahan - unlike sa mga babaeng nasa paligid mo. They look so chic - and I am not. They are brainy - and I am not. They are so pretty - and I am not. Sa sobrang insecurity ko, hindi ko man lang napansin na "nagpapapansin" ka rin pala sa akin? You had a crush on me! Okay, I knew that four years after we graduated - and you went to the US. Ako, eto. Naiwan. Several years later, I met a guy and fell in love with him. But he's making a fool of me. 'Di ata ako swerte sa lovelife. Balita ko nag-propose ka na nga daw sa girlfriend mo and you are coming back here in the Philippines to get married. I want to run to you and tell you, "Hey, it may be too late. But pwede bang ako na lang?" Foolish. You are committed and so am I. Paano na? 'You Were the Love that I Never Had' na lang ba ang drama ko?
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Lulubog, lilitaw--ganyan ang feelings ni Diane Christine para kay Jesuah. Pero paano kung sa isang iglap ay malaman niyang mahal din siya nito? Aamin na ba siya o patuloy pa rin niyang ililihim ang tunay na nadarama? *** "If there are no telltale signs of feelings, is it really there?" May feelings pero hindi sigurado. May kaba pero lumilipas. May kilig pero hindi lagi. May gusto pero may disgusto. May first love ba na madaling itago? I know what things I like and why I like them. Siya lang ang hindi talaga 'ko sigurado... kung bakit parang gusto ko. *** I've had relationships. Good ones. Bad ones. Natapos nang hindi ko alam kung ano ang kulang o ano ang mali. Sabi nila, minsan sa katitingin sa malayo kaya hindi nakikita agad na nasa malapit lang ang hinahanap natin. I don't know if that's really the case with Jesuah Hernandez. Sobrang lapit niya. Sobra-sobra. Siya ang first crush ko. Hindi sigurado kung siya ang first love. 'Yong feelings ko sa kanya, lumilitaw at nawawala. Parang hindi rin gano'n kalalim. Pero may kaba kapag nagkakalapit kami. Nagagalit ako kapag nagkaka-girlfriend siya. Hindi sigurado kaya lahat ng iniisip, nararamdaman, at selos ko, ako lang ang nakaaalam. Lahat, patago. Lahat, pasikreto. It's not love if there are no sure signs, right? Or is it? STATUS: Published under Bliss Books

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