Crazy is an understatement

I find myself often thinking about my death. More often then other dose. I have this pitcher in my head, this perfect pitcher how I want to die. I want to die in pain just like the life. Everything in this life is a bloody hell. That's why I'm pitcher myself dieing, dream about dieing, wanting to die. Why can't I just die? I pity dose who do. There is not a single person on this planet who cares about me. Nobody dose.

I was going to jump. Wouldn’t back out like those others times and there was no one there to stop me . No one. I could hear the train getting closer and I was ready. Like never before. I was so ready for that moment that I pitcher so many times that I thought too much. Started to over thinking. Thought loud, too out loud.

“Why didn’t you jump anyway? They couldn’t stop you. What made you not to?” Her warm voice is filling the dusty room. She never really bothers to dust. She got enough on her mind then to think about that her work room is dusty. I can't remember how many time's she has asked me that question. Five, ten, twenty or more. I never know the answer, never.

“ I don't know”

More than a one year ago Evan tried to take suicide. He don't care about anyone and he thinks no one cares about him. The doctor says his mentally sick. so They put him in a mental hospital in Washington but after 467 day he got to move with his parents and his sister to New York City. He's not very happy about that but what he don't know is how much his life will changes by one person that's comes into his life. He will learn to know himself better but he will also discover how much it can hurts when some that's near your heart are closet to death.