I couldn't handle it.

I had never seen anything so disgusting in my life. A smell of rotten repugnant dead bodies. Bodies of people close to me. Bodies of people we once loved. I still couldn't get over the shock that it was all our or my fault. It all happened because of my being completely absent minded. It felt as if any minute I would go mad with grief. It was too much for my weak heart. I never thought that these people would become a mere addition to the other many rancid carcasses. I can't handle it. I just can't. No. No.