I needed me
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- Parts 10
"I don't know how to do this, Kaden! Don't you see?!" I was nearly screaming at him while tears were threatening to cascade down my face. I clutched my throat with my cold fingers and felt a little bit of relief. Not from yelling at him; he didn't deserve that. I didn't know how to do this relationship thing. It wasn't me...no matter how much I wanted it to be. I wasn't content with myself so I couldn't allow anyone else in.
His head was turned to look at whatever was to his left. Guess he can't stand to look at me either. "Oh, Sienna." It was almost inaudible, but I heard him. He knew me better than I knew myself. He knew exactly what I was thinking. I felt a bit of my heart break.
My mother was right. I was a lot ruder to myself than anyone else every was. But if I put the thoughts in my mind before anyone else could that meant they couldn't hurt me when they tried.
He felt like he was miles and miles away from me but he was just a mere 3 feet away, standing directly in front of me.
I had pushed him away many times before, but none were as bad as this time. The look in his eyes, when he finally looked back at me, said it all. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to continue. Suddenly, it felt like Kaden had fallen from my grasp. It felt like my air supply was being cut off. I so desperately wanted to scream 'No, Kaden! I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this but I need you to show me. I need for you to believe in me.' But, unfortunately, that wasn't how the world worked.
Instead of swallowing my pride I let the man that I loved, yet neglected to tell him, walk away from me for the last time. I felt it was better for him. Maybe I'd stop hurting him if he just left. He'd been so powerful when I first met him...so full of life. I'd taken that away from him and had no right in doing so. Instead, I watched him walk away as the tears started to fall and the rest of my heart slowly started to crumble inside of me. I felt so lost already.
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#124
selfesteem
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"Don't you see now why we can't be together?" I whispered at the crazy boy in front of me. "Aren't you repulsed by me? Disgusted? Dis interested? Can't you just tear my heart out and leave like any other normal teenage boy?" My voice cracked. He simply shook his head. "Sweetheart, I thought I made it clear from the first time I said it," He paused, "I. Like. You." He emphasized every word, and I gaped at him. "Hell of a lot, actually, so it'd be great if you stopped being salty and liked me back." "Don't you get it?" I whispered unbelievingly, "After all that, and you still don't get why I can't be with you?" He seemed relaxed, calm. Too calm for this situation. "My life doesn't involve a guy like you, Nathan. Never did. You're not my knight in shinning armor, and you aren't going to save me. This is reality, the real world. And the real world doesn't have happy endings." ---- To me, there's are six different types of crying. One; The Breakdown. Two; The Longing. Three; The Hysterical. Four; The Broken. Five; The Happy. Six; The Inevitable." ---- This short story is very depressing, I'm warning you now. It may trigger memories, or depression symptoms.
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