Zero
  • Bacaan 4,137
  • Undian 112
  • Bahagian 28
  • Masa 1h 54m
  • Bacaan 4,137
  • Undian 112
  • Bahagian 28
  • Masa 1h 54m
Sedang Ditulis, Pertama kali diterbitkan Jun 09, 2016
My whole life revolves around calories, my whole world is how much food I'm eating and portion control. I swore I wouldn't get caught, that I'd be careful, but I guess I wasn't careful enough. Starving was the only thing i was good at... the only thing I could count on. And now they're trying to take that away from me.

~about anorexia along with mentioning or bulimia and binge eating, don't read if you're triggered by the topics~ 💖
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***MATURE WARNING*** "The hunger is good. You had too many calories already. You're already fat." "They'll love you even more when you're skinny. You'll be their perfect little angel when you're nice and pretty." "Lilly, I heard you puking up the cupcake in the bathroom, and then you whispered, 'So many calories,'" "Red everywhere, just washed away by the shower drain." "She starts shaking and jerking around, making noises like she's gasping for air." This is Lilly Ketchman's life. Eating disorders affect 9% of America. Anorexia affects 0.5% of the female population in the U.S. Bulimia affects 1.5% of the female population in America. But in that 1.5%, you don't expect a 7-year-old who just wants to be a dance star. Lilliana Ketchman goes by Lilly. Please call her Lilly. Lilliana is too painful for her. Lilliana is what the eating disorder calls her. She seems to be a happy-go-lucky kid. The kid that puts a smile on anybody's face and lights up the whole room. But she can never put a real smile on her own face or make herself happy. She's beautiful, but she doesn't believe it. Because Ms. Abby never lies. Bulimia. How the hell does a 7-year-old figure out how to make themself throw up and understand that that can make them skinny? It doesn't matter. Bulimia takes over her life for two years. Two whole years she withered away. Until her mother forces her to the hospital. She used to be in this big black vortex of pain and suffering, but she's stronger. She got help and recovered. And now, she's back two years later at the Abby Lee Dance Company to dance again. But will Lilly stay strong when Ms. Abby starts commenting the same stuff to her? Will she fall back into the same patterns, or worse, create even deadlier patterns?
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"There comes a point where you no longer care if there's a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You're just sick of the tunnel." - Who I am doesn't matter. How I got here doesn't matter. What matters now is I'm getting help, right? That's what they tell me here. They tell me that the road to recovery feels like a terrible butt fuck, but the fact that you're on the path to begin with, is all that matters. So as I sit in this circle of fuck ups, I realize just how different I am from them. I didn't attempt suicide because my mother was a crack addict who didn't want me. My father wasn't abusive. I didn't have a sibling die in a car accident. I was never really bullied either. I attempted suicide because, for the first time in years, I thought I had found something that could make me feel again... and after not feeling much at all for far too long, perhaps I went a bit overboard