Words to Spill

I write to express emotion not to be perfect, can be far fetched, rhymes can be forced and a rhythm doesn't always exist. Trigger Warning - Mental Illness

Social Anxiety Crossroads

I hide behind my hair
My eyes the door to my soul
Fringe long and sheltering
To conceal to gaping hole

I shy away from opportunities
Wanting to take risks but I can't
My mind limiting my choices
Constantly on a rant

Thoughts deep and drowning
It's hard to open up to you
How have I made it this far?
I haven't got a clue

My heart races around people
In situations you would mock
Please can you try to understand
That I'm a living mental block

Sometimes I've been close
To ending this battle and the pain
But I've kept on pushing through
Though it's driving me insane

I want to talk to new people
I want to laugh and have fun
I want all of this difficulty to be over
But my fight has barely begun

I'm tired from hiding myself
Pretending to everyone I'm fine
But if I'm going to trust you
It's going to take me time

I feel judged and hated
By people who don't even know my name
But I'm quiet and likely boring
So I've only got myself to blame

I don't feel strong enough for this life
I've been a coward once or twice
I'll be a coward in future as
I don't want others to pay the price

I want you to know that I'm sorry
Even if you have nothing to blame me for
I promise I mean it as I repeat it
I'm apologizing for my own war

It's a war between my wishes
Raging between my brain and my heart
I'm willing, wanting and worried
Why can't my thoughts depart?

You probably won't understand
And I'm not expecting you to
But please know this battles hard enough
And I'm really trying to pull through.