Goodnight

After my mom was murdered I tortured myself with her presence. While I was asleep I could see her perfectly and hear, smell. Her flowing black curls smelling of cherry blossoms and roses. Her cheerful green eyes that were just beginning to wrinkle at the age of 38. In my dreams I sacrifice myself so she could continue on living and when I wake up my demons left me and took her. Maybe I really have died and this is my eternal hell. Going to school feels fake because I can't go home to tell my mother how dreadful it is anymore. If I don't dream of her, I either don't dream or sleep, or there is this one stranger greets me with an escape. He seems kind of dangerous and I know that in my dreams but for some reason it doesn't bother me. I continue dreaming even when I remember he's different.
Outside my dreams everything becomes fake. My sister who takes care of me is real but the moments we make after mom seem fake. My little brother stopped fighting with me which seems unbelievable as well. My older brother has disappeared in action which is unfortunate because he was always the one to help emotionally. I just want to dream forever so my mom can live, my sister can put on a real smile, my little brother will race me in every opportunity he gets, and my older brother comes back home.