Don't Die

Dear Niall

It has now been 8 months since we broke up, and I guess you have moved on now when you started dating Demi. So.. now I wanna tell you the real reason why I broke up with you. Yes, I lied. It wasn't because I couldn't take the hate anymore. The truth is.. that I have cancer. I now what you think. You still don't really get it.

About two months before we broke up, I found out that I have cancer. The doctors told me there was nothing to do. Not even kemo would help. The only thing they could do was keeping the cancer down. They told me that I had two years back. Which means that now I have about one year back. I wanted to tell you it, but I didn't know how. Then I decided to break up with you. Why? 'Cause I guess that two years would be enough time for you to move on, and to forget about me. I did for you.. So it wouldn't take that hard on you when I die. I've tried to move on myself, but with no luck. I hope you will understand my choice. Now to my cancer:

I have cancer in the left side of the brain. When found out that I have cancer it was to late.. There's 99.6978 % chance that I'll survive, and nobody really expect that to happend. Everybody has kind of lost hope. Even me. The other day I found myself looking for a place to get burried. A years ago I was plannig our wedding.. Now I'm plannig my own funeral. My mom tells me not to think about it, but I do. That's the only thing I'm thinking about. Please don't get mad at me. Remember I did for you.. I'm sorry I ignored your calls and stuff. I just tried to forget you. I didn''t really knew how to handle it. This is probably the last thing you will ever hear from me. Just remember that I love you, and promise one thing.. That you never will forget about me.

Lily Xx