Difficulties of love

Love can lead you to do things you never though you could do.
My first love was younger than me but managed to give me the love I de served, we had good and bad times but he ended up cheating because I loved him more than he loved me. I felt like there was no life after that but I managed to pull myself together and started a new life but I didn't forget him. I meet a guy my age, we both loved each other but he was too obsessed about me,i but I was playing him with a friend of mine that I once loved. My current boyfriend had anger problem he couldn't control it and ended up beating me sometimes and at that moment I loved him more that I loved myself which was the mistake I did. Distance separated us and I started hating boys with ally heart, thought of becoming a lesbian but was too scared to be out there for people to see me but I didn't do wrong things but still dated guys though I was never serious about them. I could play along to get what I want but it cost me a lot.