"All I want to do is die."
No you don't. Let me explain. Have you noticed how in a number of situations when there's an old couple, one of them will die and the other with follow days or hours later, because they loved that person so much that their partner became they're only reason to live, their true everything. So when their partner died, so did their will to live. So, they simply stopped living. Maybe, people can actually due from losing their will to live. For example, if someone truly, wholeheartedly has no reason to live whatsoever, they lose their will to live, their life essence,and die. So people who say they don't want to live anymore, or are waiting to die, actually aren't. Because unbeknownst to them, it the back of their minds, they have something or someone to live for still, that it still, even with the thinnest string, keeping them from completely losing their will to live.
My restless mind doesn't stop to think about things before suggesting them to me, pushing my hopes up. I often have debates with myself inside my head. Good thing nobody else hears it though, otherwise I'm certain I'd get some weird stares.
My mind continues to argue with me, but really, I'm just arguing with myself.
Maybe he likes you.
He doesn't.
What about the kiss?
A dare, nothing more.
You love him.
Sure I do, but why would he love someone like me?
Do I love him? That's a good question... Wait, why am I even thinking about this stuff? This is just me talking to myself, just me shooting possibilities out there, hopes and dreams that most certainly won't come true. I have sanity to realize this, but unfortunately, the other side of me thinks otherwise.
You liked kissing him.
STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!! My heart races just at the thought. I did like kissing him. But it was only a dare. Stop reminding me about it, for god's sake!
Maybe he liked it too.
Probably not.
Maybe he's thinking about you right now, as you are him.
Ha! If only!
Those last words echo in my mind. If only... If only he felt the same. Maybe he does, but I'm not about to bet my money on it. Probably not. Who would love me?
If only... he did.