It Just Sucks

How do I explan what's in my head? How to I get the point across? Why do I always have to explain myself? Why dose family member, friends and people on the whole wants to an explanation of why I do what I do?
My best friend hates me, my other best friend don't trust me, my boyfriend or ex, not really sure what we are at this point, isn't speaking to me, my friends seams not to care, I mean they are living there life but, am not just in your life to have a good time? Sign! School is a pain in my ass, and i have mixed feelings about going back! I suck at it anyways, I mean, this is me trying to to be something and my ass is being kicked from behind, but hey, everybody wants me to fucking smile like all is well.
I cry myself to sleep, trying to understand what happened to me in my life. This is me thinking that am on the right track by going to school and getting an education, dealing with the stress that comes with it, sleepless nights, no money, but no one understands.