Can't Open Up
  • Reads 17
  • Votes 3
  • Parts 1
  • Time <5 mins
  • Reads 17
  • Votes 3
  • Parts 1
  • Time <5 mins
Ongoing, First published Jul 28, 2016
It can drive you crazy;	
It can make you cry;
Filling eye balls with red lines;
Occasionally, you feel it all around you;
But, all the time you feel its far away;
Far within your reach;
It can make you sick;
And right there on your chair you sealed your heart;
Locking it up till you are ready to act;
I feel so broken and lost;
All by myself when friends are nowhere;
It’s painful when you love someone and they don’t love you back.	
If love could be bought, 
I would sell in the most expensive price ever;
So anyone who purchases will know the real value of it;
Now my heart is closed and I’m likely not going to open up soon;
I will never again stir up love till the time calls for it; 
Yes, my heart has been broken;
And I will never again give it out to smashers;
Can you hear the sound of my heart been locked?
Yeah, I got the keys but not opening up soon;
No matter how hard you knock. 
All Rights Reserved
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Blood Orange Periphery

44 parts Ongoing

My suicide had been two years in the making when I decided not to follow through at the last minute. Over the past decade, I've written poems, books, short stories, fanfiction and hundreds of thousands of words, but nothing felt complete. This collection of selected works was meant to be my final offering- the only thing ready for posthumous publication. Blood Orange Periphery includes poems written in the months preceding the end-that-didn't-happen, some of my best teenage scribbles, and journal entries that chronicle the transition from death-planning, to recalibrating life.