The Sadness Behind The Smile

"how long are you gonna hide it Sammy? Huh?" he whispers... "what-tt do yo-u me-a-n" I stutter due to his proximity, his hot breath directly hitting my lips. "you know I can see right through those sad eyes and your fake smile right?" he says tracing the outline of my lips. "trust me for once please.. I won't hurt you. Ever. Please let me in." He looks so vulnerable. I just want to hug him, kiss him, tell him that it's me who's the problem not him... "let me love you Sam...." His voice merely audible but I hear him loud and clear.. My breath hitches, a large lump in my throat. "I- I jus-t I don-t kno-w whatt-t yo-u I-I ho-w" I struggle to speak, my head spinning more and more as I try desperately not to say something I'll regret.... The world around me blurs... the truth making me difficult to breathe- the truth that I Love him too... but was I ready to go through all of it again? The thought made me shudder in fright- the thought of being abused, the thought of self harm, the thought of being heartbroken, the thought of MY PAST...