Risks of loving him

I cannot stand the fact that I still love him despite the fact that he is torturing me, emotionally I can sacrifice everything for him even my life .Just a glance coming from him I will be happy but life is cruel .Everything is falling down,every little chance that I'm holding already disappeared .I cannot see his smile anymore .I don't want to bid goodbye to him even if he doesn't really know me .If I could only have the courage to shout that I love him for a very long time even for the last time but I cant .I cant ruin his happiness just for my selfishness .Love is really complicated and life is cruel than you imagined .Everything is blur,I cant see anything than my undying love for him breaks into pieces and being flew by the wind .