The Suicide Diary || Phan - ew - Wattpad

The Suicide Diary || Phan

Reads 3,644
Votes 346
Parts 23
Time 2h 54m

Reads 3,644
Votes 346
Parts 23
Time 2h 54m

dan danandphil danhowell depression diary fanfiction howell lester phanfic phanfiction phil phillester phần sad suicide

Dan Howell's best friend (and aspired lover) Phil Lester committed suicide February 20, 2016, by hanging himself. There were no warnings. There were no letters. With no clue as to why a happy and upbeat person like Phil would want to end their life, Dan feels broken and torn apart inside from grief. 

A few days later, as Phil's mother and Dan are going through Phil's things, Dan finds a diary. He takes it without anyone's noticing and he reads it in hope of finding out why Phil Lester took his life.

In hopes of finding out how someone or something could stop Dan's ray of sunshine from shining.

(Obvious TW: contains depression, bullying. Mentions of suicide, self harm, depression, abuse. If you are triggered by any of these, I would suggest not reading. Thank you.)
•••
Copyright @NeonWishes 2016All Rights Reserved

dan danandphil danhowell depression diary fanfiction howell lester phanfic phanfiction phil phillester phần sad suicide

23 parts

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Insulted / Bullied By Dan and Phil by silencedteen

It all starts in the cold autumn of 2009, you're just fourteen years old. And you do not have a happy life, no you aren't just a little 'sad' about something. You are properly depressed, you hate life. Nobody is ever there for you, except for one person.. This person has a lot of problems of their own, their life is just as bad as yours. They often have to stay off school, leaving you alone. It's true, you're bullied. By the two best friends Daniel Howell and Phillip Lester. You hate them, little bastards. But just eight years later a lot of things had changed.

There is a Light That Never Goes Out (Phan) by worriedpeach

When Dan Howell goes to end his life one fateful night, he doesn't expect to meet a stranger that proposes a deal. If Dan give him thirty days, Phil will give him thirty reasons to live. If at the end of the thirty days and Dan still feels the same, then Phil will leave him alone. Warnings: mentions of suicide, smoking, overdose, alcohol, cursing, smut, depression, anxiety

True Love Always Finds Its Way // Phan by sofiaa720

What do you do when you've been in love with your best friend for years, but you're too afraid to confess? Dan Howell has been torturing himself internally, but when he finally gets the courage to tell Phil Lester about his undying love, he gets the shock of his life. Find out if Dan ever gets through this seemingly dreadful nightmare, and if true love truly is real. *Please vote and comment! This is my first story and it would mean the world!*

All My Fault (a Dan and Phil fan fiction) by Saffron123xx

After Phil moved out to be with his new girlfriend Dan has mostly given up on life. No one would ever love him. No one would ever care for him, not the same way Phil did. He can only recall their memories. But they are starting to fade, everything seems foggy in Dan's mind. Nothing is laid out for him. With all hope gone Dan makes some stupid decisions, one where he needs Phil. ***TW: this story contains love, swearing and attempts of suicide****

Bad Boys Don't Smile / phan by phanci

Phil Lester is sweet and cute; known for his kindness and enthusiasm. Dan Howell is a tough, cold outsider; known as the school's stereotypical 'bad boy'. But if he's so bad, then why on earth did he rescue Phil Lester and give him a smile which would melt anyone's heart?

deranged | phan by phanlusions

completed~~ Dan Howell is admitted into the Manchester Eye Mental Hospital after his attempted suicide. He gets roomed with a boy named Phil Lester, but he doesn't talk much. Not at all actually. Dan decides to make it his personal mission to make Phil talk, but focusing on someone all the time can make you lose yourself. ------------------------------------------ mentions of self harm, suicide, multiple mental illnesses, etc ------------------------------------------ deranged (a.) mad; insane

Bring Me Home // Phan by rey_isnotemo

Dan is secretly suffering from depression. On the outside he seems bubbly and happy, but on the inside he wishes for it to all be over. When his friend, Phil, unexpectedly invites him to stay at his apartment, Dan struggles to keep up the glass that was protecting him. Will Phil help clean up the pieces? TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ INCLUDES SELF HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND EATING DISORDERS. STAY SAFE EVERYBODY. Completed 19/12/18 Best Ranking: #1 in danandphilfanfiction

The Only One (Phan) [COMPLETE] by underscorekacie

"Phil Lester is the literal sunshine of my life. If I didn't have him in my life, I may have been dead by now. Every day still sucks, but whenever I'm with Phil, my heart remembers that life is worth living. The only reason my life is worth living is to be next to Phil. To see him smile, to hear him laugh, to listen to his voice, to watch him move...everything. Everything that he does brings the much-needed light into my life." Dan Howell has many struggles within himself, despite his successful YouTube career. The only one who truly helps him is his best mate, Phil Lester. Dan has been madly in love with Phil since the first day they met. However, Dan knows that it is inevitable that Phil will never return the feeling because he is only interested in women. As Dan attempts to battle his own demons, Phil seems to be quite happy and even ends up dating a beautiful girl. Unfortunately, this makes Dan's mental state even worse. What will happen to Dan? Will he ever confess his strong feelings for his best friend? Will he ever overcome the ongoing war in his head?

My Blood, Your Bones - Phan by SweetLittlePhangirl

Young Dan Howell, who lives with his alcoholic father, lost his mother to cancer less than a year ago, and is killing himself. Phil Lester, a boy picked on for his weight, lives alone from the rest of the world in a rehab center while trying to recover from severe anorexia. When a concerned teacher suggests Dan seek help, the two lonely worlds collide. Maybe all they need for help is each other. (Rating: Mature! Very angsty! Read at your own risk! Triggers: self harm, eating disorder, suicide. A little swearing. A little smutty, a little fluffy)

Too Close (Phan) by WellThisIsAwkward49

Phil Lester is a well known youtuber. He hides behind the camera, he acts the way that he wants to but he scared to be himself at school. He's popular and he's not happy like that. Dan is sweet and rarely talks. He is always afraid that somebody will hurt him so he tries to stay away from people and emotions. Dan struggles with depression, selfharm, bullies, anorexia, a dark past, and being fostered by an abusive family. His mom and dad died when he was 13 and he blames himself everyday. His 7 year old sister is the only thing keeping him alive and sane. Phil feels bad for Dan, but he can't show it unless he wants to get hurt to. Little does Phil know, Dan is quickly losing control of his life. Read this book to go on this adventure with Dan and Phil. (Will mostly be written in Dan's POV) WARNINGS: This story will have very triggering content that deals with self harm, depression, self hatred, anorexia, abuse, harsh language, bullying, mentions of rape, bulimia, and anxiety. Please be careful reading my book and I am always here to talk if you need it. Also, Dan is shorter in this book, about 5'9" cause I have a thing with height.

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Slide 1 of 10

Insulted / Bullied By Dan and Phil cover

There is a Light That Never Goes Out (Phan) cover

True Love Always Finds Its Way // Phan cover

All My Fault (a Dan and Phil fan fiction) cover

Bad Boys Don't Smile / phan cover

deranged | phan cover

Bring Me Home // Phan cover

The Only One (Phan) [COMPLETE] cover

My Blood, Your Bones - Phan cover

Too Close (Phan) cover

Insulted / Bullied By Dan and Phil

It all starts in the cold autumn of 2009, you're just fourteen years old. And you do not have a happy life, no you aren't just a little 'sad' about something. You are properly depressed, you hate life. Nobody is ever there for you, except for one person.. This person has a lot of problems of their own, their life is just as bad as yours. They often have to stay off school, leaving you alone. It's true, you're bullied. By the two best friends Daniel Howell and Phillip Lester. You hate them, little bastards. But just eight years later a lot of things had changed.