Love You, Hate You, Miss You (Sequel to I'll Fight For You)

I laid awake in my bed. Thinking about my life. What was coming for me. Is death really such a bad thing? Is it really so bad that the moment I die the suffering of it all will end? I don't want to leave my friends. I don't want to leave Dallas all alone. I love him. I don't want to leave Dakota. My sweet innocent little Dakota. She doesn't know what is going on. She doesn't understand that mommy is dying and she's not going to get better. She will only get worse. But I put on a brave face and act like everything is okay for them. For the people I love. For the people who actually care about me and will miss me when I'm gone. For the people who saved me from myself. For the people I don't want to leave but I know I will. Not because I want to but because I won't have choice. Death will take me when the time comes. He will take what ever is left of my soul and I will be gone. I'm not sure what it will be like. Dying. I don't know if it will be a feeling of relief or a feeling of pain or if it will be a feeling at all. I am not afraid to die. Nor am I excited either. I am curious. Curious of what it will be like. How it will feel if anything at all. So I lay here in my bed. Feeling numb. Numb to everything and everyone around me. Because not only am I slowly dying physically but I am also slowly dying emotionally. My soul is falling apart into millions of pieces and everyday another little piece dies, and will continue to until the day it completely gives in and leaves my limp body with my friends for my body will still be there but I will be gone.