I Am, Am Not

You are a star,
Or you wanna be anyway.
But I feel like a firefly,
Like I'll flicker out.
I always quiet down when I do.
Could I compare myself to a summer's day?
Probably not.
I'm more of the brewing cloud in their eyes that were watching God
Soon enough everyone would cry out in synchrony for me to stop

I think there's so many days to count,
Yet nobody seems to notice how the sky bends.
I'm not much of a prayer,
But I prayed the other day to the bend.
I told it I don't believe in black and white,
Like I can't believe the probability of broken glass,
broken families.

There was this analogy of a glass bottle I used to believe in,
About how I'd fill it up with all the bad things until eventually I drop dead.
Of course that's not how it works,
I'll combust.
But there is a way to expand the glass to cover your skin,
Even the "underside" of our bedrooms.
It makes me question what would give the reason away if I checked out,
maybe the pushing daisies.

It's as if life will crumble away at your highest at any random moment.
Well, to all of this, I say "go suck a toe life!!!"
I won't cut myself short when the cup is at the very least half full.

I have so many amazing friends that I would never say this poem in front of,
but I'll go to dungeons and dragons club with them every Friday
and ritually go to Peking Tokyo afterwards.
I have grandmas that are the two Suns of my family,
Not to mention their rivalry.
I visit them sometimes when I go back to where I lived half my life,
Europe, always dreamy and therapeutic

I can write and draw till hell does us apart,
And I will chase down that straw by the name of SCAD,
a.k.a. sleep comes after death
if it's the last thing I do!

Every time I flicker on,
My dreams are pulsing with life,
And that's how you know,
That there still is hope.