Back to the Start (UNDERGOING MAJOR EDITING)
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Hi I'm Maya Hart, in the past year I have dealt with major mental health issues. I didn't feel comfortable with my body and physical appearance. I decided to change that.
I began to not eat and panic about loosing any kind of weight. I thought I was too fat, too ugly, etc. This feelings toppled over me, causing me to suffocate.
One night in September, only the beginning of freshman year, I collapsed. The doctors said if i didn't arrive 20 minutes sooner, I would've died.
I was in Intensive Care for 18 days, they were about to send me to rehab. That whole time I was in the hospital, I didn't contact anyone. I was flooded with texts of asking me if I was okay, but I simply ignored them. To this day I'm still truly guilty for my actions.
I was diagnosed with Anorexia and Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Hearing the diagnosis broke my heart. I did this out of being selfish. I remember that day so vividly, the hours I spent crying because of how truly sorry I felt.
The sent me to a rehabilitation facility up in Philadelphia. I was there for 11 months, and I was released last week. I still haven't contacted my friends. I'm too afraid they'll hate me and think I'm selfish because I ruined my life. ! I'm really excited to join my friends again, after being in rehab for almost a year.
They don't even know what happened, how am I supposed to explain? It was like I was hiding a dirty secret, but it was my life. I had to own up to it. As I walk back in forth in my room I can't help but think the worse case scenarios.
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An IV bag is behind me and everything is sterile here. Must be a hostipal I think to myself. I try then to think how I got here. I can even hear the gears in my brain trying to think how I got here. All I can remember is my 17th birthday party. I didnt have too much to drink I think? Then I hear a loud gasp that pulls me out of my thoughts and my friend Isabel has a shocked face and looks like shes about to drop her lunch tray that doesn't have much anyways. "Oh my god! Your awake!" She practically screams happily and runs and gives me a bear hug. Even with her petite, small body, it still hurt. I cringe but smile big and hug her back. "Why am I in a hostipal? I'm confused really! All I can remember is the party and i think I passed out and I'm here. But doesn't explain any bruises I have? What happened?!?" I ask while my voice getting higher and higher as I went along. She cocked her head and gave me a confused look as she tried proccessing what I said. She opened her mouth to anwser me but we were interrupted by a low voice. "She has a form of amnesia that made her forget a certain amount of time but there are some patients that can recover and remember whatever they forgot." He told me calmly but I cracked. "I forgot somthing? What day is it?" I ask with tears brimming my eyes And look to Isabel for an anwser. She has a perment shock face but recovers when I wait for her anwser. She answers holding my gaze. "December 15" I take a shocked breath and I try to remember my last memory. But no I can only seem to remember the party I had. I take a small gasp what I realized. The party was December 14... Last year Crystal cant remember anything from a year ago from a car crash. little over time will uncover some stuff that happened that she forgot over that long year.
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