Back to the Start (UNDERGOING MAJOR EDITING)

Hi I'm Maya Hart, in the past year I have dealt with major mental health issues. I didn't feel comfortable with my body and physical appearance. I decided to change that.

I began to not eat and panic about loosing any kind of weight. I thought I was too fat, too ugly, etc. This feelings toppled over me, causing me to suffocate.

One night in September, only the beginning of freshman year, I collapsed. The doctors said if i didn't arrive 20 minutes sooner, I would've died.

I was in Intensive Care for 18 days, they were about to send me to rehab. That whole time I was in the hospital, I didn't contact anyone. I was flooded with texts of asking me if I was okay, but I simply ignored them. To this day I'm still truly guilty for my actions.

I was diagnosed with Anorexia and Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Hearing the diagnosis broke my heart. I did this out of being selfish. I remember that day so vividly, the hours I spent crying because of how truly sorry I felt.

The sent me to a rehabilitation facility up in Philadelphia. I was there for 11 months, and I was released last week. I still haven't contacted my friends. I'm too afraid they'll hate me and think I'm selfish because I ruined my life. ! I'm really excited to join my friends again, after being in rehab for almost a year.

They don't even know what happened, how am I supposed to explain? It was like I was hiding a dirty secret, but it was my life. I had to own up to it. As I walk back in forth in my room I can't help but think the worse case scenarios.