New York Boy
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- Parts 2
I feel anxious and scared knowing that their wont be anything between us especially knowing he's going off to college in 9 months and he'll be seeing sexy girls who he may want, I used to have hope saying to myself that once I get my surgery, he'll be looking at me but he's a loyal good guy so I have no doubt that if he has a girl, he'll stay with her no matter what and pay no mind to me because he sees me as nothing. I know its sounds stupid but I truly feel that he is the one and we were meant to be but I guess I could be wrong, its just now I can't imagine at all what life would be like without him, when I think of marriage, I think of him, when I think of kids, I think of him, when I think of my wedding, I think of him, when I think of sex, I think of clearly him but i'm scared it'll be a repeat of mypill popping becauafter the whole tayvon thing I was popping pills trying to get fucked up hoping I overdose and I don't wanna be like that, I don't want to be weak and kill myself over a guy who may just be another tayvon and Jarrett (this guy I liked for 4 years 2011-2014, I hate this, I hate having feelings for him.
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The second I saw her my skin heated and heart skipped a beat. I knew I had to know who she was. I knew I just needed to be near her. After my horrible marriage I knew getting involved with anyone was the worst thing I could possibly do. The problem was the girl of my dreams was standing right in-front of me partially guarded. She knew my family and knew about my past which should scare me away, but it doesn't it only draws me closer to her. My brother is getting married, I'm the best man, she's the maid of honor. If I screw this up even a little bit everyone is going to have my ass. The second I saw him my mouth went dry. His sculpted arms in that t-shirt covered in ink, my body was telling me to run the other way, to not get involved with this gorgeous dangerous man with a military past. Those gorgeous blue eyes however pulled me in and saw right through every part of me. He's my best friends soon to be brother-in-law, and I have legal custody of a child that isn't mine. Nobody wants to be with a single mom these days, what makes him any different?
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