New York Boy

I feel anxious and scared knowing that their wont be anything between us especially knowing he's going off to college in 9 months and he'll be seeing sexy girls who he may want, I used to have hope saying to myself that once I get my surgery, he'll be looking at me but he's a loyal good guy so I have no doubt that if he has a girl, he'll stay with her no matter what and pay no mind to me because he sees me as nothing. I know its sounds stupid but I truly feel that he is the one and we were meant to be but I guess I could be wrong, its just now I can't imagine at all what life would be like without him, when I think of marriage, I think of him, when I think of kids, I think of him, when I think of my wedding, I think of him, when I think of sex, I think of clearly him but i'm scared it'll be a repeat of mypill popping becauafter the whole tayvon thing I was popping pills trying to get fucked up hoping I overdose and I don't wanna be like that, I don't want to be weak and kill myself over a guy who may just be another tayvon and Jarrett (this guy I liked for 4 years 2011-2014, I hate this, I hate having feelings for him.