I was stuck in the bathroom, stalling as much as I could, when I should be in bed. There was one problem with that, though, Ashton was spread out on my mattress.
A single glance at him was all it took, noticing that there was no way the two of us could fit on the twin sized bed without me cozying up to him. My nerves got the best of me, making me bolt out of there.
The doorknob rattled, giving me a bad scare.
"Occupied," I said out to whoever was on the other side of the door. "I'll be out in a sec, go away." I turned on the facet to become a sound buffer.
I wasn't scared of Ashton, if that was much to admit. I was scared of myself and of who I'd become in that tiny room, lying in that bed with him. I couldn't see me refusing any of his advance if he tried, and that was probably where the issue came from.
Where I stood was clear and obvious. I publicly displayed my emotions for all to see. At first, not caring if the feelings were at the same place as me, but now that wasn't the case.
For Ashton, it wasn't the same. He was an unsolvable mystery to me. I loathed how I couldn't decode his actions to see his true intent with me. The waters were murky when it came to us...if you could go as far to claim there was even an "us."
I wanted to ask him, badly. A huge part wasn't ready to ask if he felt the same, though. I wasn't prepared to what kind of answer he'd give me or if I was capable of believing him.
_____
Rose Farah has the perfect life, but only on the surface. In reality, she lives in a world of pretend, hiding her pain with a fake smile and forced laugh. By senior year, she has totally changed from who she used to be. Miraculously, a boy named Ashton with an infectious - almost irritating - laugh sees right through her façade and challenges to dig deeper than others.
"You say you love me, yet you try to rip me apart limb by limb. I may not break easily, but the way you keep wearing me out all the time - well - I might as well just be made of paper.
That way you wouldn't have to try hard to break me.
One tear with your fingers and that's it. I'd be done for.
Too bad that's not going to happen."
***
"I want a kiss." He leans in a little, just enough to touch my hair. "Did you dye your hair purple?" he smirks, his famous smirk. I smack his hand away and he steps back. "It looks nice." He says softly. It sounded genuine. Like, 'the Carter Daniels' was actually giving me a compliment. He laughs, knowing I didn't expect him to say that to me.
"Thanks." I say softly. Then, I casually lean into him, so close I can feel his breath hitch and his heart race. "Do you still want that kiss?" I whisper, seductively. Carter is frozen in place. I guess he wasn't expecting me to tease him back. I wasn't either. Now, it's like my body and mind aren't the same. But, I had to admit, it was fun teasing him like this.
***
On the surface Lila seems like your everyday teenager in her junior year of high school, but if you look a little deeper, you will see something dark and uncertain lingering in the depths of Lila's life.
Lila has always gotten out of her conflicts with her shyness, whether it be with her 'friends' and their abuse or Kevin's (Lila's older brother) best friend, Carter and his constant tormenting. But, when she decides to finally fight back against the binds that trap her from freedom, will Lila cower under the fear of her 'friends' or will she finally find her voice and free herself from the darkness that never wants to leave her?
Finding Her Voice focuses in on a teenage girl's life named Lila. Follow her story as she gets into rancid blood baths with her (sort of) friends, trades insults with her older brother's best friend, and takes advice from her smarter, younger brother.