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MatureOngoing
Last published Mon, Sep 12, 2016
I was shattered with pain
I almost forgot the essence of having a happy life.
I closed every door for social casualties. I almost forgot how to move my muscles in order to smile.
I felt numb. I felt disgrace.
All I wanna do is run my money backward and forward.
I'm sick and tired of such love stories.
I'm Sick and tired of poverty.
I'm sick and tired of simplicity.
I was fighting for something un official.
Maybe for love? For money? For dignity or just for pride.
I was hanging between Life and death. I'm a mosquito flying like a sweet butterfly. Or more like a sweet butterfly killing like a mosquito.
I was poisoned by his sweat yet craving to drink more from him.
I may lived my life fast forward or holding on preview.
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Bawat kirot ay may katumbas na paghihiganti. Yes, every pain demands a payback. That's the first thing I learned when I loved him. Not consciously, not right away-but slowly, in pieces. He taught me how to love. His love was wildfire-reckless, consuming, beautiful in the way it ruined everything. I thought I was lucky to have it. I thought he saw something in me. Maybe he did. Maybe he saw the parts that were already breaking. He taught me how to bend the rules, how to silence the voice in my head that said "this isn't right." With him, right and wrong blurred until they didn't matter. Until all that mattered was staying close enough not to lose him, but distant enough not to drown. And then came pain. He taught me pain in a thousand unspoken ways. In words that stung more than silence. In apologies that came too late. In touches that lingered with regret. And pain... And pain. Again and again No fairy tale. No forever. It was never about soulmates. It was just... a story. A complicated, messy, painful story. But still, I gambled. I bet my heart on something that didn't deserve it. And in the end, that so-called love? It destroyed me. It didn't just break me-it broke everything I cared about. Everyone I loved. It burned through every soft thing I had left inside me. Because that love... Was disastrous. Behind the illusion of love hid everything I was afraid of: pain, betrayal, lies, manipulation. A heartbreak wrapped in promises. A knife dressed like a kiss. But here's what no one tells you: after heartbreak comes something sharper. Stronger. Revenge. And revenge-it's not sweet. It's not cold. It's best served hot. The kind of heat that doesn't ask for closure. It takes it. I, who was a he, now turned into a she. I will serve pain out of pain. Not to mirror the cruelty, but to remind the world: You don't get to hurt someone like me and walk away unburned.
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