Love with a Death Note

I can't stop thinking about what I have done. Was I even awake when it happened? How did I succumb to him so easily? I, who has never been swept off my feet even by the most monstrous storms? The words I have uttered then, are knives in my chest now. The regret I feel is eating me alive. "Were you lying about your feelings?" he dared to ask. I was. I wasn't? I don't know. I feel a fire burning in the pit of my stomach. He took advantage of me, of the innocence and purity in my heart, to lure me in his deepest desires, and bring to life his notorious fantasies. Was I a victim? An accomplice? Is it his fault.. Or mine? He took my emotions to a place they've never tasted before. My body shivered, my heart pounded, my breath thickened. I was at my weakest. I felt my world crumble under my feet. Does he know the harm he has caused me? Can he feel the ache in my heart? The blood running through my veins was boiling with desire.
And then I woke up. Reality hit me in the face and pierced through my soul. I retreated. I knew I was standing too close to the fire, and I felt the heat of the flames across my core. "Do you hate me?" he asked. "I hate what you're doing to me," I thought to myself. I never knew I was this sensitive and fragile. I have the ability to remove him from my life, but I don't. Why? Why aren't I forgetting him? Why can't I do this? The story got way out of hands. "You won't be able to stay away from me and you know that." His words fell in my heart like a bomb and scattered it into a thousand pieces. Only thinking about his words makes me tremble. This is wrong, wrong yet so ecstatic.