Lost

I was suppose to die.
I was suppose to feel my body shut down and feel the air leaving my lungs. I'm suppose to feel proud of that. Thankful that even though I hadn't died, there's still a 50/50 chance I will.
Why would anyone be thankful for that?
I wanted to die, that's all I can say on that matter. I wanted to be killed by the giant cancerous mass pressing aganist my frontal lobe, I wanted it to kill me.
Key word: wanted.