The Zombie Handbook from The Vampire Handbook
PjJones
  • Reads 265
  • Votes 4
  • Parts 1
  • Time <5 mins
  • Reads 265
  • Votes 4
  • Parts 1
  • Time <5 mins
PjJones
Ongoing, First published Jan 04, 2012
crudehandbookhumorimmortalparanormalparodytwilightvampirewerewolfzombie
So, after a painstakingly long soul-searching (at least five minutes) and after grappling with the possible fate of your immortal soul (who cares if you’re not going to die, anyway), you’ve decided to become a vampire. 

Congratulations! 

But before beginning that dark and shadowed journey into a life of eternal damnation, every vampire is required to read THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK, a short step-by-step guide to becoming a vampire and then adjusting to the bloodsucking lifestyle. 

Some of the helpful tips in this handbook include: Rules for Living an Environmentally Friendly and Urbane, Undead Lifestyle, Dietary Restrictions for Vampires, Engaging in Battles with Other Immortals, Rules for Fitting into Society and not Scaring off Potential Meals and much more... 

In addition to THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK, you will also get THE WERE/SHAPE-SHIFTER HANDBOOK and THE ZOMBIE HANDBOOK as well as a few sample chapters from PJ Jone's sparkly vampire parody, ROMANCE NOVEL.
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crudehandbookhumorimmortalparanormalparodytwilightvampirewerewolfzombie
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Serial

32 parts Complete

Emmy's life is going just as she'd planned: She's living in her own apartment, dancing every day and is just leaps away from being named her company's next Prima ballerina. And she's only 17. But all of Emmy's plans come to a screeching halt when the FBI shows up at her door to let her know that she's being stalked by a serial killer. Suddenly, the safe, insulated world she created for herself is riddled with violence, fear...and a growing pile of dead bodies. At first Emmy wants nothing more than to forget her chilling new reality - but her admirer isn't finished with her yet, and before she knows it, Emmy's stuck in a nightmare she can't dance her way out of. Content and/or trigger warning: This story contains detailed scenes of murder, rape, torture, sex and stalking, which may be triggering for some readers. [[word count: 80,000-90,000 words]]

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