Evolution

Evolution

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WpMetadataReadMatureComplete Sun, Mar 25, 20182h 48m
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Non-Fiction
There are a lot of things you don't really think about until they happen to you. Take rape, for instance. I always thought, "That won't happen to me. I have a boyfriend. I trust him. He would never take advantage of me like that..." I couldn't have been more wrong. Love in this day and age is often confused for manipulation and abuse. The warning signs are here. The things we say will tell us everything that is wrong. You are worth more than what you think you are. It's not your fault. If they tell you otherwise, get out. Burn the bridge. Always remember someone is waiting for you to walk into their life. Someone needs you. Someone loves you. Getting away from all of the wrong people and finding the right ones could save you. I can promise you right now that it saved me. These are the journal entries and selected poems from my first experience of love that left a unpleasant taste in my mouth- quite literally. I am putting this out for the whole world to see because I hope everyone will learn from my experience. People can see. We have no excuses to continue living our lives in ignorance. ...WARNING... HARMFUL THEMES INCLUDING MENTION OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, AND RAPE. THIS HAS EXPLICIT CONTENT. RECOVERY AND AWARENESS IS THE PURPOSE OF SHARING. DO NOT READ IF THESE THEMES ARE OFFENSIVE OR HARMFUL TO YOU.
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It was October 2023, and my now-ex-fiance had moved out of our trailer for good. I decided to end our relationship and thought I had emotionally moved on from them. I was wrong-dead wrong. What followed them moving out was something I could not have ever thought to experience. I began to experience extreme mood swings, controlling behavior, self-esteem issues, and a new-found addiction to alcohol. This was just the tip of the iceberg, as I was constantly flirting with suicide on a daily basis. I could not begin to even tell you about how I went through an emo phase, a "man hoe" phase, and multiple other phases as well due to my deteriorating mental health. I began to document my everyday life after our split through two separate journals over a twelve-month span. This is the true tale of how a breakup brought me to the realization that I was an abuser and that I became the same monster that I swore not to become as a kid. This is how trauma ruined my life, and how it will ruin yours too.

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