"Hello? This is the anonymous helpline service, how may I help you? "Umm.... I've been having suicidal thoughts." "Oh. Wow." "Yeah." "You think?" "Yeah...?" "Hmmm...So what theme is your funeral going to be?" "...." "Wait, do funerals even have themes?" "Uh... I'm not sure...?" "I'm gonna go check!" "Wait-" "Yes?" "Well...arn't you supposed to help me?" "Help you kill yourself? Now why would I do that?"