What's In My Head

I wake up in my bedroom, but something inside me believes it isn't my bedroom. It tells me I awake in action and in command. This is a room I show off on camera for when I give a tour to the infamous room where all the magic happens.

When I'm in love, it's not just me witnessing the infatuation and new sparks. There's an audience behind me, and they either love it or wish I was with someone they've seen me with before.

I have signature looks that people die to see me wear again for nostalgic reasons. But sometimes I come to realize no one remembers I wore my blue and white jacket to class every day. I don't think anyone thinks of me. But that's when the scene sets into a darker tone. And eventually I go home to my real home and my real bed. But I've never seen it.

See, my brain likes to believe my life is a never ending famous series. It drives me crazy because once reality sets in the world gets quiet. Everything becomes real. And I am officially alone.

But I always bounce back and I believe the ceilings aren't really there. That everyone I'm seen with is just another coworker. Who's my real family?

My dreams are weird because I see things I don't remember in my waking life with faces that seem friendly but are only strangers. Is my mind creating its own world when the cameras are off?

I'm always paranoid, and I'm always looking for an escape. I assume everyone's looking at me and not for narcissistic reasons. I just fear they wait for me to fail or to use something against me. I sit in the back so no one sees any slip ups. Also, I don't initiate conversation. Sitting in the back gives others the choice to turn and talk to me. That way, I don't seem desperate or thirsty for their attention.

My reality is scary, and I don't know what's what half the time. But when the truth seeps in the cracks of my fantasy, I never feel more cold and alone.