sau·da·de
noun
"the love that remains"
after someone is gone
the object of longing might never return, whose whereabouts are unknown,
such as a lost lover
the recollection of feelings, experiences, places, or events that once brought excitement and pleasure
(c) Oxford Dictionaries & Priberam Informática
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A very sad, very freely written and poetic, very introspective recollection of lost love and all the confusion and pain it caused and the subsequent search for one's self once the other half is gone.