Nocturnal Ruminations, Or: Lessons Taught, Lessons Learned

Author's Note: Summer 1997. To celebrate the release of Thomas Pynchon's Mason & Dixon, the KGB Bar in downtown Manhattan held a Pynchon Sound-a-like Contest. You were encouraged to write like our favorite reclusive author and enter your work. All participants had to read their work aloud. The winner got free drinks that evening.

Author's Postscript: Needless to say, I didn't win any free beer or booze that night. But I did get a few chuckles from the crowd, as well as a phone number of a girl who'd been eyeing me all evening. Like an idiot, I lost that phone number...

Author's Post-Postscript: Don't read this. Seriously. Don't.