Comedy Now
- Reads 326
- Votes 72
- Parts 30
Ongoing<5 mins
Last published Wed, Dec 28, 2016
Need a good laugh?
Then press that big orange button that says read.
I'm no comedian BUT GOOGLE IS.....HAAAAA
FUNNY RIGHT?
Most of these jokes are not mine but my reactions are obviously but anyhoo yah
Public Domain
#80
roast
Join the largest storytelling communityGet personalized story recommendations, save your favourites to your library, and comment and vote to grow your community.
You may also like
Random Fantom
Random things i write and think of when im bored and funny ideas...Complete
Little Sweet Dreamer
"Oh," he said, as my back hit the wooden wall. Damn it, of course. With nowhere to go, his arms locked me in between him and the wall. He stared down at me as he said, "So you're trying to piss me off?" His lips were surprisingly close to mine. No guy would ever be this close to me in real life, let alone me being able to handle it; I would've been so timid and afraid. But this was the dream world. I could speak and be as brave as I wanted to. "Yeah, I am," I said. "What are you gonna do about it?" He paused as his eyes looked between the two of mine. Then, he smirked and swiftly closed the gap between our lips. ~~ In a small town in New York, Hazel is your average quiet type. In a school full of clichés, she falls perfectly under the category of "nerd" and has her own little nerdy group of people she loves to hang around. They respect the fact that she's non-verbal. The thing that plagued her, surprisingly, is not her inability and refusal to speak, but her ability to go through anybody and everybody's dreams. This is not something she can control, nor something that's necessarily dangerous. It just happens. One second she's in darkness, the next second she happens to be in someone's dream. But, when she stumbles into a dream of a guy she never knew existed in her grade of 500 students, albeit his popular status, both her worlds get flipped upside down.Complete
It Wasn't Love ✔️
"Fuck." He whispers into my neck, sending a thrill of excitement through my body. His lips still smothered kisses over my neck and his hands roamed my body, starting at my chest, going down to my stomach. Caressing my soft skin, his thumb trailed circles on my groin before slightly slipping into the waistband of my jeans. My breath catches in my throat as I pull at the hoodie that covered his chiselled body. Understanding, Jacob pulls it off in one swift movement before attaching his lips back on my neck. Sucking and biting it before flicking his tongue over the sore spot. A quiet moan leaves my mouth and I clasp my hand over it, denying any noise to escape. "You drive me fucking crazy, Aria." ---------------------------- Aria Bailey finds it hard to fit in. Her parents are always busy and never have time for her. She lives alone at her family home and has top grades in all of her classes. But being a 17 year old friendless nerd comes with its disadvantages. The bullying gets worse every single day, driving her to self harm and suicidal thoughts. Aria learns more about popular boy, Jacob Rickson and starts developing feelings for the well known 18 year old. Jacob helps her come out of her shell and learn to be more comfortable and confident. Aria has to make a tough decision by choosing if she would rather be with Jacob and be bullied by her mind for eternity, or to leave and be left alone, exactly how she wants to be. -Strangers to lovers -Right person, wrong timeComplete
The Outcast
"Will you just shut up" !!!!! I shouted loudly turning towards her ,she was literally getting on my nerves now "Don't you dare shout at me...You brought me into this mess", She shouted equally loudly at me The pitch of her voice was shattering my eardrums and I was on the verge of literally killing her now.She was so tiny yet hell annoying The bulb to the patience area in my mind suddenly got switched off and I abruptly pushed her into the alley wall bringing our faces real close to both our comfort levels "Listen to me you little brat and listen good...My fuckin patience is hanging on a thin thread so if you want your annoying little self to stay alive and might I add in one piece I suggest you shut your filthy shithole" I whispered in her ear lowly making her shiver knowing already that no doubt the shiver came purely from the fear she felt from me and not anything sexual..Good....She should fear me I wasn't the one to be trusted I wasn't the one to be loved I am not a person you should take lightly I am the one you don't want to mess with I am the one you don't want to piss off if you don't want your existence to be utterly painful I am Dominick Slade And I am The Outcast......Complete
OC Crackbook
Just my OCs being sillyComplete
Broken Pieces
"I love you" she says and kisses my jaw tenderly. "I love you too baby" I reply stroking her still damp hair. We were sat in a dirty McDonald's car park. We could be sat in a fucking pile of trash and I wouldn't care. Because I would be with her. As long as I'm with her, nothing else matters. -------------------------------------------------------- After all he had known was anger and hatred she was like a breath of fresh air to him. With just one look into her mesmerizing chocolate eyes and one listen to her angelic voice he knew he was ruined. He despised this feeling. He felt helpless. No matter how much he tried to stay away he was drawn to her and he knew he was playing a very dangerous game. Leaving the pain of her past behind her she starts a fresh in a new town with her older brother. Meeting the towns bad boy was not on her agenda but every time she saw him she was intrigued. He was rude and had a terrible attitude, but his eyes didn't show anything but pain which is something she knew all too well. They are complete opposites but have one thing in common. They are both broken, maybe just maybe they could be the cure to each others pain. ⚠️ this story contains mentions of abuse and alcohol so if you are not comfortable with this please do not read my story.Complete
Comeback Queen
"I hate you." He scowled. "Well, I never said you had to like me, now did I?" I said sassily.He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. "Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find your brain back there." He glared at me. "Shut up with your lame combacks, they suck!" "Your just mad cause you're getting roasted by a girl. What? Is your ego being damaged?" "I am no being roasted, you are! I'm a savage!" He said cockily. I slapped my forehead and let out a chuckle. "Last time I checked, you have not said anything close to make you a savage and you have not even roasted me. Dumb ass." "Oh yeah well, your a ugly! Beat that!" He smirked. Wow. Oh my gosh everyone, give him a round of applause for that AMAZING burn! Nothing can beat that! Hint, sarcasm. "Your brain must feel good as new, seeing as though you never use it. Also, that was the worst comback ever, I bet my mom can come up with something better then that." I crossed my arms over my chest and smirked at him. "Whatever." He grumbled and walked away scowling. That's right! I like to call myself the comback queen because I always have an answer for everything. Like if someone says to me: you suck I go: well you swallow. So do you catch my drift? Yes? No? Maybe so? **** Riley Greene, the daughter of Maya. Unlike her mother, she is not as bubbly and outgoing or as childish. She is more of a like, how do I say this, a sassy, savage, sarcastic girl with a temper. I'm pretty sure she can kick you but if she wanted to. But hey, she did get some things from her mom. She loves food as much as her mom and can devour her food like a savage she is. Asher Kings on the other hand, is a typical bad boy. You know, with those secrets and mysterious vibe, girls go chasing after him, big ego, you know??? Any way, he still is pretty scary if you get on his bad side an that exactly what Riley does. What do you think will happen when there paths cross? And more importantly...What will happen after?Complete![Being the Bad Boy's Victim [SAMPLE: Available for purchase on Amazon]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/1773102-256-k672405.jpg)
Being the Bad Boy's Victim [SAMPLE: Available for purchase on Amazon]
He leaned in closer, if that was even possible, his spearmint breath fanning across my face. My breathing got caught in my throat as he lowered his mouth to my ear. "You can deny liking me, wanting me, but let's face it- You're like all the rest. You're that good girl who so secretly but desperately wants to change me. All girls want to be the one that makes the bad boy change, they want him to change for them. So you can go around, acting like you don't care about me, go ahead Bella, do that. But let me tell you this, I enjoy a good chase, and that's exactly what you are. Cause Bella, I get what I want, and I want you." ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My full name is Bellatrix Annaliese Brown. Yeah yeah, weird name. Anyways, I am from London, England and moved here once before when I was sixteen. After being bullied, I moved back to England, where I was living with my Aunt till my parents decided I should come back to America for my senior year in high school. As you can see, I don't have the best of luck, which I guess is why- I became the Bad Boy's Victim. ___________________ PUBLISHED AND CAN BE BOUGHT ON AMAZON! http://www.amazon.com/Being-Bad-Boys-Victim-Romantic-ebook/dp/B016PSBM70/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1445179301&sr=1-1Complete
Finding Maze
" aww, how kind. Is this your way of getting another proof that I am a criminal so that you can put me in prison. Because, if that is the goal, you guys fucking suck at it " I snapped. In one swift moment, Alex grabbed me by my arm and gripped it" you will do as I say or else.. " "What? Or else what? Throw me in prison? Shatter my life. Let's get one thing straight here, I am lethal just as much as you guys are, I will fucking ruin your life for all the crimes that you have done. If I am going down, then each and every one of you are going down. You think I don't know anything about you all? You think your walls are made of stone that no one can enter? Well, news flash, Alex I know how you are a shallow person behind this rude persona of yours. I know the exact reason why Rowling broke up with you. Want me to reveal each and every one of your secrets and make your life miserable than it already is?... " Alex slowly removed his hand".. That's what I thought. Now shut up and fuck off" I said and took my hot chocolate and walked away.Complete
Seventy days
I want to kiss her so bad. Her face is right there, infront of me and those eyes fuck me. I grabbed her chin pulling her head up. She's looking at me. I lean down placing my hand on her waist and pulling her in. We're pressed against each other now and she smells so fucking good my heart can barely take it. "I've wanted to do this for a long time". I whispered above her whisper inching her closer and a whimper escaped her lips. "May I". I asked and she nods her head before I slam my lips right over hers. Taking in her scent. Her lips are so soft. The soft moans she's letting. Fuck. She makes insane. [Grumpy x sunshine] ♡♡♡♡ "I'd risk my soul for her" ♡♡♡♡ Seventy days -started: Friday 8 July -finished: Saturday 29th july ♡♡♡♡♡♡ Enjoy..... <3Complete
Content Guidelines