Comedy Now

Reads 298
Votes 72
Parts 30
Time <5 mins

Reads 298
Votes 72
Parts 30
Time <5 mins

burn comebacks comedy funny insults mean roast slay

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I'm no comedian BUT GOOGLE IS.....HAAAAA

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Most of these jokes are not mine but my reactions are obviously but anyhoo yahPublic Domain

burn comebacks comedy funny insults mean roast slay

30 parts

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Read this..I'm trying my best to make you laugh...so...laugh? Yes..LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH LOL.

"Will you just shut up" !!!!! I shouted loudly turning towards her ,she was literally getting on my nerves now "Don't you dare shout at me...You brought me into this mess", She shouted equally loudly at me The pitch of her voice was shattering my eardrums and I was on the verge of literally killing her now.She was so tiny yet hell annoying The bulb to the patience area in my mind suddenly got switched off and I abruptly pushed her into the alley wall bringing our faces real close to both our comfort levels "Listen to me you little brat and listen good...My fuckin patience is hanging on a thin thread so if you want your annoying little self to stay alive and might I add in one piece I suggest you shut your filthy shithole" I whispered in her ear lowly making her shiver knowing already that no doubt the shiver came purely from the fear she felt from me and not anything sexual..Good....She should fear me I wasn't the one to be trusted I wasn't the one to be loved I am not a person you should take lightly I am the one you don't want to mess with I am the one you don't want to piss off if you don't want your existence to be utterly painful I am Dominick Slade And I am The Outcast......

"Fuck." He whispers into my neck, sending a thrill of excitement through my body. His lips still smothered kisses over my neck and his hands roamed my body, starting at my chest, going down to my stomach. Caressing my soft skin, his thumb trailed circles on my groin before slightly slipping into the waistband of my jeans. My breath catches in my throat as I pull at the hoodie that covered his chiselled body. Understanding, Jacob pulls it off in one swift movement before attaching his lips back on my neck. Sucking and biting it before flicking his tongue over the sore spot. A quiet moan leaves my mouth and I clasp my hand over it, denying any noise to escape. "You drive me fucking crazy, Aria." ---------------------------- Aria Bailey finds it hard to fit in. Her parents are always busy and never have time for her. She lives alone at her family home and has top grades in all of her classes. But being a 17 year old friendless nerd comes with its disadvantages. The bullying gets worse every single day, driving her to self harm and suicidal thoughts. Aria learns more about popular boy, Jacob Rickson and starts developing feelings for the well known 18 year old. Jacob helps her come out of her shell and learn to be more comfortable and confident. Aria has to make a tough decision by choosing if she would rather be with Jacob and be bullied by her mind for eternity, or to leave and be left alone, exactly how she wants to be. -Strangers to lovers -Right person, wrong time

" aww, how kind. Is this your way of getting another proof that I am a criminal so that you can put me in prison. Because, if that is the goal, you guys fucking suck at it " I snapped. In one swift moment, Alex grabbed me by my arm and gripped it" you will do as I say or else.. " "What? Or else what? Throw me in prison? Shatter my life. Let's get one thing straight here, I am lethal just as much as you guys are, I will fucking ruin your life for all the crimes that you have done. If I am going down, then each and every one of you are going down. You think I don't know anything about you all? You think your walls are made of stone that no one can enter? Well, news flash, Alex I know how you are a shallow person behind this rude persona of yours. I know the exact reason why Rowling broke up with you. Want me to reveal each and every one of your secrets and make your life miserable than it already is?... " Alex slowly removed his hand".. That's what I thought. Now shut up and fuck off" I said and took my hot chocolate and walked away.

"I hate you." He scowled. "Well, I never said you had to like me, now did I?" I said sassily.He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. "Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find your brain back there." He glared at me. "Shut up with your lame combacks, they suck!" "Your just mad cause you're getting roasted by a girl. What? Is your ego being damaged?" "I am no being roasted, you are! I'm a savage!" He said cockily. I slapped my forehead and let out a chuckle. "Last time I checked, you have not said anything close to make you a savage and you have not even roasted me. Dumb ass." "Oh yeah well, your a ugly! Beat that!" He smirked. Wow. Oh my gosh everyone, give him a round of applause for that AMAZING burn! Nothing can beat that! Hint, sarcasm. "Your brain must feel good as new, seeing as though you never use it. Also, that was the worst comback ever, I bet my mom can come up with something better then that." I crossed my arms over my chest and smirked at him. "Whatever." He grumbled and walked away scowling. That's right! I like to call myself the comback queen because I always have an answer for everything. Like if someone says to me: you suck I go: well you swallow. So do you catch my drift? Yes? No? Maybe so? **** Riley Greene, the daughter of Maya. Unlike her mother, she is not as bubbly and outgoing or as childish. She is more of a like, how do I say this, a sassy, savage, sarcastic girl with a temper. I'm pretty sure she can kick you but if she wanted to. But hey, she did get some things from her mom. She loves food as much as her mom and can devour her food like a savage she is. Asher Kings on the other hand, is a typical bad boy. You know, with those secrets and mysterious vibe, girls go chasing after him, big ego, you know??? Any way, he still is pretty scary if you get on his bad side an that exactly what Riley does. What do you think will happen when there paths cross? And more importantly...What will happen after?

Blaze White is the New Girl at the Prep school in her mothers old home town. But her only goal for senior year is to keep a low profile, no friends, no parties and NO boys. Axel may be adored and worshipped by his peer-but he hates people, except 5. So when a beautiful but closed off girl suddenly enters his group. He is not welcoming of the mysterious beauty despite the pull they both feel. •••• WARNING: This was written many moons ago. I have decided to put it back up because of a large request from readers. However, I was a kid when I wrote this so take it with a grain of salt. *** Like a deer in head lights, I freeze and watch as the car comes towards me expecting to get hit. But to my surprise, the car swerves to the side slightly next to me and comes to a stop. I take a deep breath I didn't know I was holding at the driver's side door swings open and a very pissed off Axel steps out. "Thank god," I mumble and place my hands on my knees to catch my breath. "Blaze?" He says and I hate it. I hate how he says my name as if it's his. Like he knows it's the only thing I want to hear, him calling out to me, looking at me, focused to me. It's the first time in my life I wanted someone's attention so badly I didn't care how I got it. And that was too dangerous for me to hold onto. "Are you insane or some shit? I could have killed you!" He says and starts to walk towards me. I take a big breath and step back away from him, "s-stop! Axel," I stutter still panting. It's then he notices the blood on my hands and shirt. "Is that blood?" He asks staring at my shirt and I take another step back. "Stop, stay b-back," I try to say confidently but I can't even breath right. Realizing he won't listen I start to turn around planning to make a break for it. "Don't run from me Blaze it won't go well," he growls reading my thoughts causing me to freeze in my spot. "Do not ever think you can get away from me."

Someone walks into the room but I cannot see its face. It looks like a man and by the look of his posture, he seems very important. "Why were you in my territory?" His voice is strangely calm however I think its the calm before the storm. "I didn't know it was your territory! For gods sake how many times do I have to tell you people? Just let me go and I promise I won't say anything to anyone. Not like I have anyone to tell." The last part I said in a whisper. He didn't need to know the situation I was in. I hear the cock of a gun making me raise my head. The all too familiar sound ringing in my ears. "I don't believe you bitch, so you better tell me the truth or your brains are gonna end up on the wall." Ah there's the storm. "A gun doesn't scare me arsehole, I've had way worse things than that!" He steps forward into the light so I can see his features. He is extremely good looking but right now is not the right time to admire his beauty. I stare straight into his pitch black eyes, daring him to try harder than this. He smirks and leans forward searching my eyes. Before I can even register what's happening, he punches me in the face. *** Mature Content

"I love you" she says and kisses my jaw tenderly. "I love you too baby" I reply stroking her still damp hair. We were sat in a dirty McDonald's car park. We could be sat in a fucking pile of trash and I wouldn't care. Because I would be with her. As long as I'm with her, nothing else matters. -------------------------------------------------------- After all he had known was anger and hatred she was like a breath of fresh air to him. With just one look into her mesmerizing chocolate eyes and one listen to her angelic voice he knew he was ruined. He despised this feeling. He felt helpless. No matter how much he tried to stay away he was drawn to her and he knew he was playing a very dangerous game. Leaving the pain of her past behind her she starts a fresh in a new town with her older brother. Meeting the towns bad boy was not on her agenda but every time she saw him she was intrigued. He was rude and had a terrible attitude, but his eyes didn't show anything but pain which is something she knew all too well. They are complete opposites but have one thing in common. They are both broken, maybe just maybe they could be the cure to each others pain. ⚠️ this story contains mentions of abuse and alcohol so if you are not comfortable with this please do not read my story.

"Why aren't you scared?" I whine and he laughs. "Come on, you wouldn't dare hurt me with that. It's too risky, and I can get out of this easily, babe." I can tell he's smirking and it's sickening. "Oh yeah? Try." I say confidently and in one swift motion, he has me on the floor. He's now straddling me with both my hands above me and the knife in his hands, pressed lightly against my throat. This turns me on... "I...I stand corrected." I wheeze in laughter, ignoring the massive pain in my head. "Now can you be a nice guy and turn off the music and help me with this pain please?" "That's all I was waiting for, Doll." He smirks and gets off of me, setting the knife on the counter. I roll over, groaning as I make my way to the living room to lay on the couch. Liam Forte and Jasmine Galvin. Opposite, but similar in many ways. The difference? He's a player. Every school has one, and Liam is the one. Moving in to her house shortly after summer has officially started, Jasmine has to deal with the boy who will leave a permanent mark on her life. Kinda immature, I'm no grown ass woman. SLOWLY EDITING. DON'T SHOOT! Follow up: DONE EDITING. YOU MAY DROP YOUR WEAPONS! Follow up to the follow up: NOT REALLY DONE EDITING, BUT KEEP THE FIRE DOWN! I'M WRITING THE SECOND BOOK (the better one, in my opinion) SO MY TIME IS ATE UP.

One night was all it took: Story one by brandon61386

Lacey Martin has built her life around the familiarity of the local bar she manages...a home for her. Independent, headstrong, and content, she keeps her heart tucked away, aside from a few one-night stands. She stays around her close-knit crew, a family of regulars and friends. Her normal routine, however, is shattered by one night that changes everything. When an old friend returns to town, Derek, with a group of friends, everything shifts dramatically in Lacey's world. Among his friends is Natalia, Derek's ex and a woman who will date men or women but finds herself drawn to Lacey. In one evening, both women are caught in an unexpected and powerful connection. This sparks an emotional and intense sensual escapade that forces Lacey to confront her feelings she didn't know existed. As the aftershocks of the intimate encounter ripple into the following days, Lacey finds herself torn between her known life and the magnetic allure of a new, uncharted love. The intense bond with Natalia challenges everything Lacey once believed about herself, including her stance on relationships and her guarded view on love, forcing her to check boxes she's never known. For Natalia, the collision of her past, connected to the fame, fortune, and work she's put in, it's time for her to confront future possibilities. As old wounds and unresolved histories stir within their friend groups, loyalties are tested, and the support network of the bar becomes both a sanctuary and a mirror reflecting the complexities of love, desire, and self-acceptance. "One Night Was All It Took" isn't just romance...it's an exploration of identity, the courage to defy preconceived limits, and that life can change in an instant. Witness the transformative power of one chance meeting that upends expectations and challenges the heart to live more fully and fearlessly. Every moment builds toward a future where love is less about definition, and instead of what we desire. And this is just book one. There are seven.

Laugh to Death

Read this..I'm trying my best to make you laugh...so...laugh? Yes..LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH LOL.

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