Comedy Now - I am a person. - Wattpad

Story cover for Comedy Now by RockNRoll16

Comedy Now

Reads 298
Votes 72
Parts 30
Time <5 mins

Reads 298
Votes 72
Parts 30
Time <5 mins

burn comebacks comedy funny insults mean roast slay

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I'm no comedian BUT GOOGLE IS.....HAAAAA

FUNNY RIGHT?

Most of these jokes are not mine but my reactions are obviously but anyhoo yahPublic Domain

burn comebacks comedy funny insults mean roast slay

30 parts

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Finding Maze by Cosmic-Enigma

" aww, how kind. Is this your way of getting another proof that I am a criminal so that you can put me in prison. Because, if that is the goal, you guys fucking suck at it " I snapped. In one swift moment, Alex grabbed me by my arm and gripped it" you will do as I say or else.. " "What? Or else what? Throw me in prison? Shatter my life. Let's get one thing straight here, I am lethal just as much as you guys are, I will fucking ruin your life for all the crimes that you have done. If I am going down, then each and every one of you are going down. You think I don't know anything about you all? You think your walls are made of stone that no one can enter? Well, news flash, Alex I know how you are a shallow person behind this rude persona of yours. I know the exact reason why Rowling broke up with you. Want me to reveal each and every one of your secrets and make your life miserable than it already is?... " Alex slowly removed his hand".. That's what I thought. Now shut up and fuck off" I said and took my hot chocolate and walked away.

Seventy days by honeycookies13

I want to kiss her so bad. Her face is right there, infront of me and those eyes fuck me. I grabbed her chin pulling her head up. She's looking at me. I lean down placing my hand on her waist and pulling her in. We're pressed against each other now and she smells so fucking good my heart can barely take it. "I've wanted to do this for a long time". I whispered above her whisper inching her closer and a whimper escaped her lips. "May I". I asked and she nods her head before I slam my lips right over hers. Taking in her scent. Her lips are so soft. The soft moans she's letting. Fuck. She makes insane. [Grumpy x sunshine] ♡♡♡♡ "I'd risk my soul for her" ♡♡♡♡ Seventy days -started: Friday 8 July -finished: Saturday 29th july ♡♡♡♡♡♡ Enjoy..... <3

It Wasn't Love ✔️ by depressedbrit

"Fuck." He whispers into my neck, sending a thrill of excitement through my body. His lips still smothered kisses over my neck and his hands roamed my body, starting at my chest, going down to my stomach. Caressing my soft skin, his thumb trailed circles on my groin before slightly slipping into the waistband of my jeans. My breath catches in my throat as I pull at the hoodie that covered his chiselled body. Understanding, Jacob pulls it off in one swift movement before attaching his lips back on my neck. Sucking and biting it before flicking his tongue over the sore spot. A quiet moan leaves my mouth and I clasp my hand over it, denying any noise to escape. "You drive me fucking crazy, Aria." ---------------------------- Aria Bailey finds it hard to fit in. Her parents are always busy and never have time for her. She lives alone at her family home and has top grades in all of her classes. But being a 17 year old friendless nerd comes with its disadvantages. The bullying gets worse every single day, driving her to self harm and suicidal thoughts. Aria learns more about popular boy, Jacob Rickson and starts developing feelings for the well known 18 year old. Jacob helps her come out of her shell and learn to be more comfortable and confident. Aria has to make a tough decision by choosing if she would rather be with Jacob and be bullied by her mind for eternity, or to leave and be left alone, exactly how she wants to be. -Strangers to lovers -Right person, wrong time

The Player in Him by Oneinamillie

"Why aren't you scared?" I whine and he laughs. "Come on, you wouldn't dare hurt me with that. It's too risky, and I can get out of this easily, babe." I can tell he's smirking and it's sickening. "Oh yeah? Try." I say confidently and in one swift motion, he has me on the floor. He's now straddling me with both my hands above me and the knife in his hands, pressed lightly against my throat. This turns me on... "I...I stand corrected." I wheeze in laughter, ignoring the massive pain in my head. "Now can you be a nice guy and turn off the music and help me with this pain please?" "That's all I was waiting for, Doll." He smirks and gets off of me, setting the knife on the counter. I roll over, groaning as I make my way to the living room to lay on the couch. Liam Forte and Jasmine Galvin. Opposite, but similar in many ways. The difference? He's a player. Every school has one, and Liam is the one. Moving in to her house shortly after summer has officially started, Jasmine has to deal with the boy who will leave a permanent mark on her life. Kinda immature, I'm no grown ass woman. SLOWLY EDITING. DON'T SHOOT! Follow up: DONE EDITING. YOU MAY DROP YOUR WEAPONS! Follow up to the follow up: NOT REALLY DONE EDITING, BUT KEEP THE FIRE DOWN! I'M WRITING THE SECOND BOOK (the better one, in my opinion) SO MY TIME IS ATE UP.

Moving In by _CallMe_Crazy

Blaze White is the New Girl at the Prep school in her mothers old home town. But her only goal for senior year is to keep a low profile, no friends, no parties and NO boys. Axel may be adored and worshipped by his peer-but he hates people, except 5. So when a beautiful but closed off girl suddenly enters his group. He is not welcoming of the mysterious beauty despite the pull they both feel. •••• WARNING: This was written many moons ago. I have decided to put it back up because of a large request from readers. However, I was a kid when I wrote this so take it with a grain of salt. *** Like a deer in head lights, I freeze and watch as the car comes towards me expecting to get hit. But to my surprise, the car swerves to the side slightly next to me and comes to a stop. I take a deep breath I didn't know I was holding at the driver's side door swings open and a very pissed off Axel steps out. "Thank god," I mumble and place my hands on my knees to catch my breath. "Blaze?" He says and I hate it. I hate how he says my name as if it's his. Like he knows it's the only thing I want to hear, him calling out to me, looking at me, focused to me. It's the first time in my life I wanted someone's attention so badly I didn't care how I got it. And that was too dangerous for me to hold onto. "Are you insane or some shit? I could have killed you!" He says and starts to walk towards me. I take a big breath and step back away from him, "s-stop! Axel," I stutter still panting. It's then he notices the blood on my hands and shirt. "Is that blood?" He asks staring at my shirt and I take another step back. "Stop, stay b-back," I try to say confidently but I can't even breath right. Realizing he won't listen I start to turn around planning to make a break for it. "Don't run from me Blaze it won't go well," he growls reading my thoughts causing me to freeze in my spot. "Do not ever think you can get away from me."

OC Crackbook by 5t4rl1ghtd0tc0m

Just my OCs being silly

One night was all it took: Story one by brandon61386

Lacey Martin has built her life around the familiarity of the local bar she manages...a home for her. Independent, headstrong, and content, she keeps her heart tucked away, aside from a few one-night stands. She stays around her close-knit crew, a family of regulars and friends. Her normal routine, however, is shattered by one night that changes everything. When an old friend returns to town, Derek, with a group of friends, everything shifts dramatically in Lacey's world. Among his friends is Natalia, Derek's ex and a woman who will date men or women but finds herself drawn to Lacey. In one evening, both women are caught in an unexpected and powerful connection. This sparks an emotional and intense sensual escapade that forces Lacey to confront her feelings she didn't know existed. As the aftershocks of the intimate encounter ripple into the following days, Lacey finds herself torn between her known life and the magnetic allure of a new, uncharted love. The intense bond with Natalia challenges everything Lacey once believed about herself, including her stance on relationships and her guarded view on love, forcing her to check boxes she's never known. For Natalia, the collision of her past, connected to the fame, fortune, and work she's put in, it's time for her to confront future possibilities. As old wounds and unresolved histories stir within their friend groups, loyalties are tested, and the support network of the bar becomes both a sanctuary and a mirror reflecting the complexities of love, desire, and self-acceptance. "One Night Was All It Took" isn't just romance...it's an exploration of identity, the courage to defy preconceived limits, and that life can change in an instant. Witness the transformative power of one chance meeting that upends expectations and challenges the heart to live more fully and fearlessly. Every moment builds toward a future where love is less about definition, and instead of what we desire. And this is just book one. There are seven.

Random Fantom by sugarsoph1

Random things i write and think of when im bored and funny ideas...

Realist Of Mortality : Blog by Spideys_Webs

when blogging turns into something more..

Kill Me Gangleader by Flirtyflower01

Someone walks into the room but I cannot see its face. It looks like a man and by the look of his posture, he seems very important. "Why were you in my territory?" His voice is strangely calm however I think its the calm before the storm. "I didn't know it was your territory! For gods sake how many times do I have to tell you people? Just let me go and I promise I won't say anything to anyone. Not like I have anyone to tell." The last part I said in a whisper. He didn't need to know the situation I was in. I hear the cock of a gun making me raise my head. The all too familiar sound ringing in my ears. "I don't believe you bitch, so you better tell me the truth or your brains are gonna end up on the wall." Ah there's the storm. "A gun doesn't scare me arsehole, I've had way worse things than that!" He steps forward into the light so I can see his features. He is extremely good looking but right now is not the right time to admire his beauty. I stare straight into his pitch black eyes, daring him to try harder than this. He smirks and leans forward searching my eyes. Before I can even register what's happening, he punches me in the face. *** Mature Content

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Slide 1 of 10

Finding Maze cover

Seventy days cover

It Wasn't Love ✔️ cover

The Player in Him cover

Moving In cover

OC Crackbook cover

One night was all it took: Story one cover

Random Fantom cover

Realist Of Mortality : Blog cover

Kill Me Gangleader cover

Finding Maze

" aww, how kind. Is this your way of getting another proof that I am a criminal so that you can put me in prison. Because, if that is the goal, you guys fucking suck at it " I snapped. In one swift moment, Alex grabbed me by my arm and gripped it" you will do as I say or else.. " "What? Or else what? Throw me in prison? Shatter my life. Let's get one thing straight here, I am lethal just as much as you guys are, I will fucking ruin your life for all the crimes that you have done. If I am going down, then each and every one of you are going down. You think I don't know anything about you all? You think your walls are made of stone that no one can enter? Well, news flash, Alex I know how you are a shallow person behind this rude persona of yours. I know the exact reason why Rowling broke up with you. Want me to reveal each and every one of your secrets and make your life miserable than it already is?... " Alex slowly removed his hand".. That's what I thought. Now shut up and fuck off" I said and took my hot chocolate and walked away.