Comedy Now
- Reads 327
- Votes 72
- Parts 30
Need a good laugh?
Then press that big orange button that says read.
I'm no comedian BUT GOOGLE IS.....HAAAAA
FUNNY RIGHT?
Most of these jokes are not mine but my reactions are obviously but anyhoo yah
Public Domain
#264
comebacks
Join the largest storytelling communityGet personalized story recommendations, save your favourites to your library, and comment and vote to grow your community.
You may also like
The Player in Him
"Why aren't you scared?" I whine and he laughs. "Come on, you wouldn't dare hurt me with that. It's too risky, and I can get out of this easily, babe." I can tell he's smirking and it's sickening. "Oh yeah? Try." I say confidently and in one swift motion, he has me on the floor. He's now straddling me with both my hands above me and the knife in his hands, pressed lightly against my throat. This turns me on... "I...I stand corrected." I wheeze in laughter, ignoring the massive pain in my head. "Now can you be a nice guy and turn off the music and help me with this pain please?" "That's all I was waiting for, Doll." He smirks and gets off of me, setting the knife on the counter. I roll over, groaning as I make my way to the living room to lay on the couch. Liam Forte and Jasmine Galvin. Opposite, but similar in many ways. The difference? He's a player. Every school has one, and Liam is the one. Moving in to her house shortly after summer has officially started, Jasmine has to deal with the boy who will leave a permanent mark on her life. Kinda immature, I'm no grown ass woman. SLOWLY EDITING. DON'T SHOOT! Follow up: DONE EDITING. YOU MAY DROP YOUR WEAPONS! Follow up to the follow up: NOT REALLY DONE EDITING, BUT KEEP THE FIRE DOWN! I'M WRITING THE SECOND BOOK (the better one, in my opinion) SO MY TIME IS ATE UP.Complete
It Wasn't Love ✔️
"Fuck." He whispers into my neck, sending a thrill of excitement through my body. His lips still smothered kisses over my neck and his hands roamed my body, starting at my chest, going down to my stomach. Caressing my soft skin, his thumb trailed circles on my groin before slightly slipping into the waistband of my jeans. My breath catches in my throat as I pull at the hoodie that covered his chiselled body. Understanding, Jacob pulls it off in one swift movement before attaching his lips back on my neck. Sucking and biting it before flicking his tongue over the sore spot. A quiet moan leaves my mouth and I clasp my hand over it, denying any noise to escape. "You drive me fucking crazy, Aria." ---------------------------- Aria Bailey finds it hard to fit in. Her parents are always busy and never have time for her. She lives alone at her family home and has top grades in all of her classes. But being a 17 year old friendless nerd comes with its disadvantages. The bullying gets worse every single day, driving her to self harm and suicidal thoughts. Aria learns more about popular boy, Jacob Rickson and starts developing feelings for the well known 18 year old. Jacob helps her come out of her shell and learn to be more comfortable and confident. Aria has to make a tough decision by choosing if she would rather be with Jacob and be bullied by her mind for eternity, or to leave and be left alone, exactly how she wants to be. -Strangers to lovers -Right person, wrong timeComplete
Realist Of Mortality : Blog
when blogging turns into something more..Complete
Moving In
Blaze White is the New Girl at the Prep school in her mothers old home town. But her only goal for senior year is to keep a low profile, no friends, no parties and NO boys. Axel may be adored and worshipped by his peer-but he hates people, except 5. So when a beautiful but closed off girl suddenly enters his group. He is not welcoming of the mysterious beauty despite the pull they both feel. •••• WARNING: This was written many moons ago. I have decided to put it back up because of a large request from readers. However, I was a kid when I wrote this so take it with a grain of salt. *** Like a deer in head lights, I freeze and watch as the car comes towards me expecting to get hit. But to my surprise, the car swerves to the side slightly next to me and comes to a stop. I take a deep breath I didn't know I was holding at the driver's side door swings open and a very pissed off Axel steps out. "Thank god," I mumble and place my hands on my knees to catch my breath. "Blaze?" He says and I hate it. I hate how he says my name as if it's his. Like he knows it's the only thing I want to hear, him calling out to me, looking at me, focused to me. It's the first time in my life I wanted someone's attention so badly I didn't care how I got it. And that was too dangerous for me to hold onto. "Are you insane or some shit? I could have killed you!" He says and starts to walk towards me. I take a big breath and step back away from him, "s-stop! Axel," I stutter still panting. It's then he notices the blood on my hands and shirt. "Is that blood?" He asks staring at my shirt and I take another step back. "Stop, stay b-back," I try to say confidently but I can't even breath right. Realizing he won't listen I start to turn around planning to make a break for it. "Don't run from me Blaze it won't go well," he growls reading my thoughts causing me to freeze in my spot. "Do not ever think you can get away from me."Complete
Devil Or Angel?
"You bitch! Look what you fucking did!" "I did?" I ask. "You were the fuck the blew the red light!" "I didn't blow any fucking lights, bitch whore! You destroyed my fucking Jeep!" "No I didn't! You got a tiny fucking dent and a goddamn scratch? I can't even drive my fucking car!" "So? It's a piece of shit anyways and you shouldn't have blown the fucking light!" "I didn't fucking blow the light, asshole! You did!" "I did not!" he shouts, getting right in my face. "How old are you anyways? Three?" "No! You're acting like a fucking two year old! Just own up to your goddamn mistake!" "I didn't make a mistake, you cunt! You did!" "Fuck you, dick! I didn't do anything!" "How fucking old are you?" he hisses, his lips inches from mine. "I'll be fucking twenty one tomorrow, fucker, how about you, huh? How old are you? Thirty? Forty?" "Twenty fucking two." he hisses. "Now pay up!" he puts his hand out. <><> Alyssa is your regular girl with perfect looks. Luke is your hot bad boy asshole. When you push the two together, two things can happen. One, they can click, or two, they can crash. And it won't be hard to wonder if he's a Devil or an Angel.Complete
One night was all it took: Story one
Lacey Martin has built her life around the familiarity of the local bar she manages...a home for her. Independent, headstrong, and content, she keeps her heart tucked away, aside from a few one-night stands. She stays around her close-knit crew, a family of regulars and friends. Her normal routine, however, is shattered by one night that changes everything. When an old friend returns to town, Derek, with a group of friends, everything shifts dramatically in Lacey's world. Among his friends is Natalia, Derek's ex and a woman who will date men or women but finds herself drawn to Lacey. In one evening, both women are caught in an unexpected and powerful connection. This sparks an emotional and intense sensual escapade that forces Lacey to confront her feelings she didn't know existed. As the aftershocks of the intimate encounter ripple into the following days, Lacey finds herself torn between her known life and the magnetic allure of a new, uncharted love. The intense bond with Natalia challenges everything Lacey once believed about herself, including her stance on relationships and her guarded view on love, forcing her to check boxes she's never known. For Natalia, the collision of her past, connected to the fame, fortune, and work she's put in, it's time for her to confront future possibilities. As old wounds and unresolved histories stir within their friend groups, loyalties are tested, and the support network of the bar becomes both a sanctuary and a mirror reflecting the complexities of love, desire, and self-acceptance. "One Night Was All It Took" isn't just romance...it's an exploration of identity, the courage to defy preconceived limits, and that life can change in an instant. Witness the transformative power of one chance meeting that upends expectations and challenges the heart to live more fully and fearlessly. Every moment builds toward a future where love is less about definition, and instead of what we desire. And this is just book one. There are seven.Complete
Demons
This story has no description because we are awesome like that. Any way, we are standardized closet & box traveling elfs. Laugh all you want. We don't want no trouble, we hit you with a shovel, many times watch out. We behind you! Jk! But we are watching you, forever! Seriously, just read the book, unless it's too... Odd for you. No prob if can't handle extreme awesomeness. No no, it's ok, you're just not awesome. We get it. Go find a sappy book that your mere mind for some reason enjoys. If you don't want to read this ridiculously long description than stop reading. ........ Oh, so you do want to keep reading? Than please, come in while I creepily stuff pies into your mouth while sitting in a cardboard box. But what ever you do, don't push the orange button that says: "Start Reading", Enjoy the book... (Muhahaha!)Complete
The Outcast
"Will you just shut up" !!!!! I shouted loudly turning towards her ,she was literally getting on my nerves now "Don't you dare shout at me...You brought me into this mess", She shouted equally loudly at me The pitch of her voice was shattering my eardrums and I was on the verge of literally killing her now.She was so tiny yet hell annoying The bulb to the patience area in my mind suddenly got switched off and I abruptly pushed her into the alley wall bringing our faces real close to both our comfort levels "Listen to me you little brat and listen good...My fuckin patience is hanging on a thin thread so if you want your annoying little self to stay alive and might I add in one piece I suggest you shut your filthy shithole" I whispered in her ear lowly making her shiver knowing already that no doubt the shiver came purely from the fear she felt from me and not anything sexual..Good....She should fear me I wasn't the one to be trusted I wasn't the one to be loved I am not a person you should take lightly I am the one you don't want to mess with I am the one you don't want to piss off if you don't want your existence to be utterly painful I am Dominick Slade And I am The Outcast......Complete
OC Crackbook
Just my OCs being sillyComplete
Comeback Queen
"I hate you." He scowled. "Well, I never said you had to like me, now did I?" I said sassily.He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. "Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find your brain back there." He glared at me. "Shut up with your lame combacks, they suck!" "Your just mad cause you're getting roasted by a girl. What? Is your ego being damaged?" "I am no being roasted, you are! I'm a savage!" He said cockily. I slapped my forehead and let out a chuckle. "Last time I checked, you have not said anything close to make you a savage and you have not even roasted me. Dumb ass." "Oh yeah well, your a ugly! Beat that!" He smirked. Wow. Oh my gosh everyone, give him a round of applause for that AMAZING burn! Nothing can beat that! Hint, sarcasm. "Your brain must feel good as new, seeing as though you never use it. Also, that was the worst comback ever, I bet my mom can come up with something better then that." I crossed my arms over my chest and smirked at him. "Whatever." He grumbled and walked away scowling. That's right! I like to call myself the comback queen because I always have an answer for everything. Like if someone says to me: you suck I go: well you swallow. So do you catch my drift? Yes? No? Maybe so? **** Riley Greene, the daughter of Maya. Unlike her mother, she is not as bubbly and outgoing or as childish. She is more of a like, how do I say this, a sassy, savage, sarcastic girl with a temper. I'm pretty sure she can kick you but if she wanted to. But hey, she did get some things from her mom. She loves food as much as her mom and can devour her food like a savage she is. Asher Kings on the other hand, is a typical bad boy. You know, with those secrets and mysterious vibe, girls go chasing after him, big ego, you know??? Any way, he still is pretty scary if you get on his bad side an that exactly what Riley does. What do you think will happen when there paths cross? And more importantly...What will happen after?Complete
"Why aren't you scared?" I whine and he laughs. "Come on, you wouldn't dare hurt me with that. It's too risky, and I can get out of this easily, babe." I can tell he's smirking and it's sickening. "Oh yeah? Try." I say confidently and in one swift motion, he has me on the floor. He's now straddling me with both my hands above me and the knife in his hands, pressed lightly against my throat. This turns me on... "I...I stand corrected." I wheeze in laughter, ignoring the massive pain in my head. "Now can you be a nice guy and turn off the music and help me with this pain please?" "That's all I was waiting for, Doll." He smirks and gets off of me, setting the knife on the counter. I roll over, groaning as I make my way to the living room to lay on the couch. Liam Forte and Jasmine Galvin. Opposite, but similar in many ways. The difference? He's a player. Every school has one, and Liam is the one. Moving in to her house shortly after summer has officially started, Jasmine has to deal with the boy who will leave a permanent mark on her life. Kinda immature, I'm no grown ass woman. SLOWLY EDITING. DON'T SHOOT! Follow up: DONE EDITING. YOU MAY DROP YOUR WEAPONS! Follow up to the follow up: NOT REALLY DONE EDITING, BUT KEEP THE FIRE DOWN! I'M WRITING THE SECOND BOOK (the better one, in my opinion) SO MY TIME IS ATE UP.
More detailsContent Guidelines