Comedy Now - I am a person. - Wattpad

Story cover for Comedy Now by RockNRoll16

Comedy Now

LECTURAS 298
Votos 72
Partes 30
Hora <5 mins

LECTURAS 298
Votos 72
Partes 30
Hora <5 mins

burn comebacks comedy funny insults mean roast slay

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I'm no comedian BUT GOOGLE IS.....HAAAAA

FUNNY RIGHT?

Most of these jokes are not mine but my reactions are obviously but anyhoo yahDominio público

burn comebacks comedy funny insults mean roast slay

30 partes

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The Outcast de ihareemnisar

"Will you just shut up" !!!!! I shouted loudly turning towards her ,she was literally getting on my nerves now "Don't you dare shout at me...You brought me into this mess", She shouted equally loudly at me The pitch of her voice was shattering my eardrums and I was on the verge of literally killing her now.She was so tiny yet hell annoying The bulb to the patience area in my mind suddenly got switched off and I abruptly pushed her into the alley wall bringing our faces real close to both our comfort levels "Listen to me you little brat and listen good...My fuckin patience is hanging on a thin thread so if you want your annoying little self to stay alive and might I add in one piece I suggest you shut your filthy shithole" I whispered in her ear lowly making her shiver knowing already that no doubt the shiver came purely from the fear she felt from me and not anything sexual..Good....She should fear me I wasn't the one to be trusted I wasn't the one to be loved I am not a person you should take lightly I am the one you don't want to mess with I am the one you don't want to piss off if you don't want your existence to be utterly painful I am Dominick Slade And I am The Outcast......

Broken Pieces de SMC_547

"I love you" she says and kisses my jaw tenderly. "I love you too baby" I reply stroking her still damp hair. We were sat in a dirty McDonald's car park. We could be sat in a fucking pile of trash and I wouldn't care. Because I would be with her. As long as I'm with her, nothing else matters. -------------------------------------------------------- After all he had known was anger and hatred she was like a breath of fresh air to him. With just one look into her mesmerizing chocolate eyes and one listen to her angelic voice he knew he was ruined. He despised this feeling. He felt helpless. No matter how much he tried to stay away he was drawn to her and he knew he was playing a very dangerous game. Leaving the pain of her past behind her she starts a fresh in a new town with her older brother. Meeting the towns bad boy was not on her agenda but every time she saw him she was intrigued. He was rude and had a terrible attitude, but his eyes didn't show anything but pain which is something she knew all too well. They are complete opposites but have one thing in common. They are both broken, maybe just maybe they could be the cure to each others pain. ⚠️ this story contains mentions of abuse and alcohol so if you are not comfortable with this please do not read my story.

Kill Me Gangleader de Flirtyflower01

Someone walks into the room but I cannot see its face. It looks like a man and by the look of his posture, he seems very important. "Why were you in my territory?" His voice is strangely calm however I think its the calm before the storm. "I didn't know it was your territory! For gods sake how many times do I have to tell you people? Just let me go and I promise I won't say anything to anyone. Not like I have anyone to tell." The last part I said in a whisper. He didn't need to know the situation I was in. I hear the cock of a gun making me raise my head. The all too familiar sound ringing in my ears. "I don't believe you bitch, so you better tell me the truth or your brains are gonna end up on the wall." Ah there's the storm. "A gun doesn't scare me arsehole, I've had way worse things than that!" He steps forward into the light so I can see his features. He is extremely good looking but right now is not the right time to admire his beauty. I stare straight into his pitch black eyes, daring him to try harder than this. He smirks and leans forward searching my eyes. Before I can even register what's happening, he punches me in the face. *** Mature Content

Comeback Queen de tepigforlife

"I hate you." He scowled. "Well, I never said you had to like me, now did I?" I said sassily.He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. "Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find your brain back there." He glared at me. "Shut up with your lame combacks, they suck!" "Your just mad cause you're getting roasted by a girl. What? Is your ego being damaged?" "I am no being roasted, you are! I'm a savage!" He said cockily. I slapped my forehead and let out a chuckle. "Last time I checked, you have not said anything close to make you a savage and you have not even roasted me. Dumb ass." "Oh yeah well, your a ugly! Beat that!" He smirked. Wow. Oh my gosh everyone, give him a round of applause for that AMAZING burn! Nothing can beat that! Hint, sarcasm. "Your brain must feel good as new, seeing as though you never use it. Also, that was the worst comback ever, I bet my mom can come up with something better then that." I crossed my arms over my chest and smirked at him. "Whatever." He grumbled and walked away scowling. That's right! I like to call myself the comback queen because I always have an answer for everything. Like if someone says to me: you suck I go: well you swallow. So do you catch my drift? Yes? No? Maybe so? **** Riley Greene, the daughter of Maya. Unlike her mother, she is not as bubbly and outgoing or as childish. She is more of a like, how do I say this, a sassy, savage, sarcastic girl with a temper. I'm pretty sure she can kick you but if she wanted to. But hey, she did get some things from her mom. She loves food as much as her mom and can devour her food like a savage she is. Asher Kings on the other hand, is a typical bad boy. You know, with those secrets and mysterious vibe, girls go chasing after him, big ego, you know??? Any way, he still is pretty scary if you get on his bad side an that exactly what Riley does. What do you think will happen when there paths cross? And more importantly...What will happen after?

Seventy days de honeycookies13

I want to kiss her so bad. Her face is right there, infront of me and those eyes fuck me. I grabbed her chin pulling her head up. She's looking at me. I lean down placing my hand on her waist and pulling her in. We're pressed against each other now and she smells so fucking good my heart can barely take it. "I've wanted to do this for a long time". I whispered above her whisper inching her closer and a whimper escaped her lips. "May I". I asked and she nods her head before I slam my lips right over hers. Taking in her scent. Her lips are so soft. The soft moans she's letting. Fuck. She makes insane. [Grumpy x sunshine] ♡♡♡♡ "I'd risk my soul for her" ♡♡♡♡ Seventy days -started: Friday 8 July -finished: Saturday 29th july ♡♡♡♡♡♡ Enjoy..... <3

Tempting The Dominatrix de feistylittlefox

I can't help the moan that escapes my mouth at the taste of her tongue against mine, and my hips pulse reflexively up to meet hers. But before I can reach the heat emanating from her core, she grasps my neck in her hand and pushes me away, pressing me into the couch, my breath coming out in pants once I'm disconnected from her. It takes a few seconds for my dazed eyes to make out the expression on her face, and I notice that, while her lips are swollen with my kisses, her eyebrows are pulled forward in frustration. "Kai." She lowly whispers my name and pulls the hand that isn't tightly grasping my neck out to caress my cheek. I can't tell whether to bask in her attention or obsess over the fact that I did something wrong. "Stay still," The right hand clasping my neck tightens to the point where I gasp for breath, but quickly releases soon after. My dick jumps in my briefs at the feeling and I blush, secretly hoping she didn't notice. By the way that her eyes light up and her eyebrows release to a more neutral stance, I can tell that she did. But there's no time to acknowledge that because her next words and actions render me breathless. "Remember, I am in control." She states, and then pushes her pelvis so that her heated core presses right against my aching cock. *** In which an inexperienced college freshman catches the eye of a sinful Dominatrix who wants to take every ounce of his innocence... WARNING: This story isn't limited to BDSM. It explores the kink world. And as you may or may not know, kinks go beyond pain/pleasure. If you're brave enough, check it out ;) *Trigger Warnings are provided in the first chapter* **The female lead is older by several years - suck it up sweetie, you'll survive** 110,000 - 120,000 Words

Finding Maze de Cosmic-Enigma

" aww, how kind. Is this your way of getting another proof that I am a criminal so that you can put me in prison. Because, if that is the goal, you guys fucking suck at it " I snapped. In one swift moment, Alex grabbed me by my arm and gripped it" you will do as I say or else.. " "What? Or else what? Throw me in prison? Shatter my life. Let's get one thing straight here, I am lethal just as much as you guys are, I will fucking ruin your life for all the crimes that you have done. If I am going down, then each and every one of you are going down. You think I don't know anything about you all? You think your walls are made of stone that no one can enter? Well, news flash, Alex I know how you are a shallow person behind this rude persona of yours. I know the exact reason why Rowling broke up with you. Want me to reveal each and every one of your secrets and make your life miserable than it already is?... " Alex slowly removed his hand".. That's what I thought. Now shut up and fuck off" I said and took my hot chocolate and walked away.

The Player in Him de Oneinamillie

"Why aren't you scared?" I whine and he laughs. "Come on, you wouldn't dare hurt me with that. It's too risky, and I can get out of this easily, babe." I can tell he's smirking and it's sickening. "Oh yeah? Try." I say confidently and in one swift motion, he has me on the floor. He's now straddling me with both my hands above me and the knife in his hands, pressed lightly against my throat. This turns me on... "I...I stand corrected." I wheeze in laughter, ignoring the massive pain in my head. "Now can you be a nice guy and turn off the music and help me with this pain please?" "That's all I was waiting for, Doll." He smirks and gets off of me, setting the knife on the counter. I roll over, groaning as I make my way to the living room to lay on the couch. Liam Forte and Jasmine Galvin. Opposite, but similar in many ways. The difference? He's a player. Every school has one, and Liam is the one. Moving in to her house shortly after summer has officially started, Jasmine has to deal with the boy who will leave a permanent mark on her life. Kinda immature, I'm no grown ass woman. SLOWLY EDITING. DON'T SHOOT! Follow up: DONE EDITING. YOU MAY DROP YOUR WEAPONS! Follow up to the follow up: NOT REALLY DONE EDITING, BUT KEEP THE FIRE DOWN! I'M WRITING THE SECOND BOOK (the better one, in my opinion) SO MY TIME IS ATE UP.

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Realist Of Mortality : Blog

when blogging turns into something more..