Comedy Now - I am a person. - Wattpad

Story cover for Comedy Now by RockNRoll16

Comedy Now

Reads 298
Votes 72
Parts 30
Time <5 mins

Reads 298
Votes 72
Parts 30
Time <5 mins

burn comebacks comedy funny insults mean roast slay

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I'm no comedian BUT GOOGLE IS.....HAAAAA

FUNNY RIGHT?

Most of these jokes are not mine but my reactions are obviously but anyhoo yahPublic Domain

burn comebacks comedy funny insults mean roast slay

30 parts

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Devil Or Angel? by paperandpen444

"You bitch! Look what you fucking did!" "I did?" I ask. "You were the fuck the blew the red light!" "I didn't blow any fucking lights, bitch whore! You destroyed my fucking Jeep!" "No I didn't! You got a tiny fucking dent and a goddamn scratch? I can't even drive my fucking car!" "So? It's a piece of shit anyways and you shouldn't have blown the fucking light!" "I didn't fucking blow the light, asshole! You did!" "I did not!" he shouts, getting right in my face. "How old are you anyways? Three?" "No! You're acting like a fucking two year old! Just own up to your goddamn mistake!" "I didn't make a mistake, you cunt! You did!" "Fuck you, dick! I didn't do anything!" "How fucking old are you?" he hisses, his lips inches from mine. "I'll be fucking twenty one tomorrow, fucker, how about you, huh? How old are you? Thirty? Forty?" "Twenty fucking two." he hisses. "Now pay up!" he puts his hand out. <><> Alyssa is your regular girl with perfect looks. Luke is your hot bad boy asshole. When you push the two together, two things can happen. One, they can click, or two, they can crash. And it won't be hard to wonder if he's a Devil or an Angel.

Moving In by _CallMe_Crazy

Blaze White is the New Girl at the Prep school in her mothers old home town. But her only goal for senior year is to keep a low profile, no friends, no parties and NO boys. Axel may be adored and worshipped by his peer-but he hates people, except 5. So when a beautiful but closed off girl suddenly enters his group. He is not welcoming of the mysterious beauty despite the pull they both feel. •••• WARNING: This was written many moons ago. I have decided to put it back up because of a large request from readers. However, I was a kid when I wrote this so take it with a grain of salt. *** Like a deer in head lights, I freeze and watch as the car comes towards me expecting to get hit. But to my surprise, the car swerves to the side slightly next to me and comes to a stop. I take a deep breath I didn't know I was holding at the driver's side door swings open and a very pissed off Axel steps out. "Thank god," I mumble and place my hands on my knees to catch my breath. "Blaze?" He says and I hate it. I hate how he says my name as if it's his. Like he knows it's the only thing I want to hear, him calling out to me, looking at me, focused to me. It's the first time in my life I wanted someone's attention so badly I didn't care how I got it. And that was too dangerous for me to hold onto. "Are you insane or some shit? I could have killed you!" He says and starts to walk towards me. I take a big breath and step back away from him, "s-stop! Axel," I stutter still panting. It's then he notices the blood on my hands and shirt. "Is that blood?" He asks staring at my shirt and I take another step back. "Stop, stay b-back," I try to say confidently but I can't even breath right. Realizing he won't listen I start to turn around planning to make a break for it. "Don't run from me Blaze it won't go well," he growls reading my thoughts causing me to freeze in my spot. "Do not ever think you can get away from me."

Being the Bad Boy's Victim [SAMPLE: Available for purchase on Amazon] by something_hopeless

He leaned in closer, if that was even possible, his spearmint breath fanning across my face. My breathing got caught in my throat as he lowered his mouth to my ear. "You can deny liking me, wanting me, but let's face it- You're like all the rest. You're that good girl who so secretly but desperately wants to change me. All girls want to be the one that makes the bad boy change, they want him to change for them. So you can go around, acting like you don't care about me, go ahead Bella, do that. But let me tell you this, I enjoy a good chase, and that's exactly what you are. Cause Bella, I get what I want, and I want you." ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ My full name is Bellatrix Annaliese Brown. Yeah yeah, weird name. Anyways, I am from London, England and moved here once before when I was sixteen. After being bullied, I moved back to England, where I was living with my Aunt till my parents decided I should come back to America for my senior year in high school. As you can see, I don't have the best of luck, which I guess is why- I became the Bad Boy's Victim. ___________________ PUBLISHED AND CAN BE BOUGHT ON AMAZON! http://www.amazon.com/Being-Bad-Boys-Victim-Romantic-ebook/dp/B016PSBM70/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1445179301&sr=1-1

Seventy days by honeycookies13

I want to kiss her so bad. Her face is right there, infront of me and those eyes fuck me. I grabbed her chin pulling her head up. She's looking at me. I lean down placing my hand on her waist and pulling her in. We're pressed against each other now and she smells so fucking good my heart can barely take it. "I've wanted to do this for a long time". I whispered above her whisper inching her closer and a whimper escaped her lips. "May I". I asked and she nods her head before I slam my lips right over hers. Taking in her scent. Her lips are so soft. The soft moans she's letting. Fuck. She makes insane. [Grumpy x sunshine] ♡♡♡♡ "I'd risk my soul for her" ♡♡♡♡ Seventy days -started: Friday 8 July -finished: Saturday 29th july ♡♡♡♡♡♡ Enjoy..... <3

It Wasn't Love ✔️ by depressedbrit

"Fuck." He whispers into my neck, sending a thrill of excitement through my body. His lips still smothered kisses over my neck and his hands roamed my body, starting at my chest, going down to my stomach. Caressing my soft skin, his thumb trailed circles on my groin before slightly slipping into the waistband of my jeans. My breath catches in my throat as I pull at the hoodie that covered his chiselled body. Understanding, Jacob pulls it off in one swift movement before attaching his lips back on my neck. Sucking and biting it before flicking his tongue over the sore spot. A quiet moan leaves my mouth and I clasp my hand over it, denying any noise to escape. "You drive me fucking crazy, Aria." ---------------------------- Aria Bailey finds it hard to fit in. Her parents are always busy and never have time for her. She lives alone at her family home and has top grades in all of her classes. But being a 17 year old friendless nerd comes with its disadvantages. The bullying gets worse every single day, driving her to self harm and suicidal thoughts. Aria learns more about popular boy, Jacob Rickson and starts developing feelings for the well known 18 year old. Jacob helps her come out of her shell and learn to be more comfortable and confident. Aria has to make a tough decision by choosing if she would rather be with Jacob and be bullied by her mind for eternity, or to leave and be left alone, exactly how she wants to be. -Strangers to lovers -Right person, wrong time

The Outcast by ihareemnisar

"Will you just shut up" !!!!! I shouted loudly turning towards her ,she was literally getting on my nerves now "Don't you dare shout at me...You brought me into this mess", She shouted equally loudly at me The pitch of her voice was shattering my eardrums and I was on the verge of literally killing her now.She was so tiny yet hell annoying The bulb to the patience area in my mind suddenly got switched off and I abruptly pushed her into the alley wall bringing our faces real close to both our comfort levels "Listen to me you little brat and listen good...My fuckin patience is hanging on a thin thread so if you want your annoying little self to stay alive and might I add in one piece I suggest you shut your filthy shithole" I whispered in her ear lowly making her shiver knowing already that no doubt the shiver came purely from the fear she felt from me and not anything sexual..Good....She should fear me I wasn't the one to be trusted I wasn't the one to be loved I am not a person you should take lightly I am the one you don't want to mess with I am the one you don't want to piss off if you don't want your existence to be utterly painful I am Dominick Slade And I am The Outcast......

Realist Of Mortality : Blog by Spideys_Webs

when blogging turns into something more..

The Player in Him by Oneinamillie

"Why aren't you scared?" I whine and he laughs. "Come on, you wouldn't dare hurt me with that. It's too risky, and I can get out of this easily, babe." I can tell he's smirking and it's sickening. "Oh yeah? Try." I say confidently and in one swift motion, he has me on the floor. He's now straddling me with both my hands above me and the knife in his hands, pressed lightly against my throat. This turns me on... "I...I stand corrected." I wheeze in laughter, ignoring the massive pain in my head. "Now can you be a nice guy and turn off the music and help me with this pain please?" "That's all I was waiting for, Doll." He smirks and gets off of me, setting the knife on the counter. I roll over, groaning as I make my way to the living room to lay on the couch. Liam Forte and Jasmine Galvin. Opposite, but similar in many ways. The difference? He's a player. Every school has one, and Liam is the one. Moving in to her house shortly after summer has officially started, Jasmine has to deal with the boy who will leave a permanent mark on her life. Kinda immature, I'm no grown ass woman. SLOWLY EDITING. DON'T SHOOT! Follow up: DONE EDITING. YOU MAY DROP YOUR WEAPONS! Follow up to the follow up: NOT REALLY DONE EDITING, BUT KEEP THE FIRE DOWN! I'M WRITING THE SECOND BOOK (the better one, in my opinion) SO MY TIME IS ATE UP.

Finding Maze by Cosmic-Enigma

" aww, how kind. Is this your way of getting another proof that I am a criminal so that you can put me in prison. Because, if that is the goal, you guys fucking suck at it " I snapped. In one swift moment, Alex grabbed me by my arm and gripped it" you will do as I say or else.. " "What? Or else what? Throw me in prison? Shatter my life. Let's get one thing straight here, I am lethal just as much as you guys are, I will fucking ruin your life for all the crimes that you have done. If I am going down, then each and every one of you are going down. You think I don't know anything about you all? You think your walls are made of stone that no one can enter? Well, news flash, Alex I know how you are a shallow person behind this rude persona of yours. I know the exact reason why Rowling broke up with you. Want me to reveal each and every one of your secrets and make your life miserable than it already is?... " Alex slowly removed his hand".. That's what I thought. Now shut up and fuck off" I said and took my hot chocolate and walked away.

Random Fantom by sugarsoph1

Random things i write and think of when im bored and funny ideas...

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Slide 1 of 10

Devil Or Angel? cover

Moving In cover

Being the Bad Boy's Victim [SAMPLE: Available for purchase on Amazon] cover

Seventy days cover

It Wasn't Love ✔️ cover

The Outcast cover

Realist Of Mortality : Blog cover

The Player in Him cover

Finding Maze cover

Random Fantom cover

Devil Or Angel?

"You bitch! Look what you fucking did!" "I did?" I ask. "You were the fuck the blew the red light!" "I didn't blow any fucking lights, bitch whore! You destroyed my fucking Jeep!" "No I didn't! You got a tiny fucking dent and a goddamn scratch? I can't even drive my fucking car!" "So? It's a piece of shit anyways and you shouldn't have blown the fucking light!" "I didn't fucking blow the light, asshole! You did!" "I did not!" he shouts, getting right in my face. "How old are you anyways? Three?" "No! You're acting like a fucking two year old! Just own up to your goddamn mistake!" "I didn't make a mistake, you cunt! You did!" "Fuck you, dick! I didn't do anything!" "How fucking old are you?" he hisses, his lips inches from mine. "I'll be fucking twenty one tomorrow, fucker, how about you, huh? How old are you? Thirty? Forty?" "Twenty fucking two." he hisses. "Now pay up!" he puts his hand out. <><> Alyssa is your regular girl with perfect looks. Luke is your hot bad boy asshole. When you push the two together, two things can happen. One, they can click, or two, they can crash. And it won't be hard to wonder if he's a Devil or an Angel.