The Life I Never Dreamed Of

Did you ever dream of growing up to be an unsuccessful nobody? I doubt it. Sounds nutty, but there I was in kindergarten telling my wide eyed classmates and our teacher, who had a look on her face like my grandma did when she was having gas pains, about how I wanted to be a bum when I grew up. Yeah, it was show and tell day and I was so excited when it was my turn that I almost peed my pants. I brought photos of men and women who were actually homeless and living on the streets, whom I thought were living the high life of not having to be told what to eat, where to go and most of all; what time to do it! I wanted to live like them, hell, I wanted to live with them. Ignorance is bliss, so they say, whoever "they" are. Silence followed my presentation and so did an F. That show and tell day followed me, like a sick dog, all through elementary school. This is my story (gag): my dream life, not (vomit)