The Life of a Jar of Pickles

You know that Taylor Swift song about sitting on a park bench alone, thinking about everything that's happened? Well, I'm in that exact situation right now. I'm sitting outside a dumpy little Chinese restaurant in the freezing cold with a gigantic jar of pickles resting in my lap. Here I am, in nothing but a geeky superhero t-shirt, an oversized red sweatshirt, and a pair of ripped jeans that should've been tossed in the trash can years ago, waiting on a park bench for a sign. Just one little hint as to what I'm supposed to do with my life now that I've gone and messed my entire plan up.
But I guess before you find out how my story ends, you have to learn about how I got here, how I got to be sitting on a park bench in a Marvel Comics shirt and with only a jar of pickles to my name. Here goes nothing.