A BROKEN HEART
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My hearts been weak lately and no not physically weak. I mean emotionally weak it feels unwanted, sad, and anger but just because I walk around with a smile on my face doesn't mean I'm happy it just means I'm smiling and truth be told it's how I've felt my whole life unable to feel happy or joy, or anything of that sort my whold life I've felt shund like some sort of outcast. when my mother and father had gotten divorced my whole world was crumble as if someone had just decided to take it all away my happiness, my joy, and now it feels like my love for others is coming to it's end but the only reason I say that is because I have been kind and have loved those who needed it but nothing has mad me feel loved at all I don't know what is to happen to me next but I can feel that one piece of me slipping away. This maybe the end of the Deshawn that everyone knows and loves I can't deal with all the pain I'm in every day having to hide all the time like a scared little boy hiding underneath his blanket hoping someone will come save him from this dark and alone prison . If their is a light I hope it guides me but for now I'll just have to wait
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Message Not delivered...
CAUTION: I DID NOT PUT MATURE ON BUT CONTAINS SENSITIVE TOPICS OF ABUSE INCLUDING S/A... & probaly some swearing. There will be disturbing sh*t in here. This book is a poem book of my life pretty much. Its my thoughts and emotions spoken in a different suppossed to be more emotional and deeper way then just looking at what happened and crying about it. What happened can never be fixed but I won't let those people go by un-noticed and I hope karma sincerely kicks them in more then the ass someday. I don't wish pain upon no one but I do crave for them to just UNDERSTAND what they made me feel since they all walked away without a scrape, just a smirk on all their faces in the end. Or they're narcassistic. Theres also letters to people who I still think of to this day that will probably never read them but you guys still hold a special place in my heart. This book is letters and poetry to all; people of my past, present, future, and not only just SURVIVORS but WARRIORS too. You're never alone my loves... Welcome to : "Message Not Delivered"Complete
Pain Reconciled by Love
This book is published on amazon.com. I put it on here for Wattpadders to read for free! Have you ever felt so much emotional pain that you just wanted to end it all? Have you ever felt so much physical pain that you thought death was nearer than you had hoped for? Maybe you have felt one, but not both, or maybe you have felt both. These poems were written for those who have felt pain like no other. You may be your own worst enemy, but you are also your own best friend. Sometimes, no one is there to help you get up off that floor, so it is up to you to help your own self. Once you find that you can take care of yourself, you can take care of and love others. Humans need love to survive. If we didn't have love, we'd all be robots and simply not human. The love doesn't have to be from a significant other. Maybe it's from a best friend or close family member? Just know that we are all in this game of life together. So, let's live it with love. I had entered the deepest depths of pain and agony. I had given up on my life. I tried to end my life, and I would have been successful. Three people saved me that day, at the end of 2017. First, was myself. I had to come to terms with who I was and turn it all back around. I had to lean on my Creator, who was my second life saver. Jesus came to my aid and saved my life after I tried to take it. The third person who saved me was my husband. Before we met I would have died, but he needed me just like I needed him. I am alive for him, for my two sons, for myself, and for my Heavenly Father. "I couldn't make it stop, Until I met my rock. So, here are my words of wisdom, "Pain reconciled by love" is my rhythm." There is hope. There is a purpose to this life. Pain Reconciled by Love is full of heartache, but also full of beauty. I'm still alive because there is something for me out there. I hope this is the beginning to something beautiful. For you and for me.Complete
Evolution
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It's Okay to Use Your Big Girl Voice
Inside you will find a mixture of both, extremely RAW and refreshingly HEALING accounts of my personal war with my past. Unfortunately, Childhood sexual abuse is far too common, and many of share similar experiences. Looking back, what I could have used more than anything was someone to tell me "You're not alone, there is a lightness through the darkness, you can heal from this and most importantly don't EVER stop telling your story to make others comfortable". I've learned that silence is the best weapon for a predator, and I for one, have never been really good at doing what I'm told. I don't intend on starting now. I wear my scar as reminder that I hold the power in my own story, it is mine to tell and I won't make myself sick keeping quiet because my truths are hard to swallow, other people's comfort is not my problem. My Goal is rather simple, to let the readers know, they too are not alone. If you are a survivor, even if you still feel like a victim, this is my personal message to you. "You are strong, and it wasn't your fault. Tell someone... tell anyone...tell everyone... We shift from victims to survivors when we speak up and tell our stories. There's nothing wrong with you, and the light will shine again. The longer you sit in silence the more power your abuser still holds over you, wipe your face warrior, because there's a lion right inside of you, DONT EVER GIVE UP!" *This story is FULL of TRIGGERS, please be careful reading if triggers are hard for you, your mental health matters* *I own all the Rights to all parts of this book*
Submerged (Book 2 Of Breathe)
You tell me it gets better, it gets better in time You say I'll pull myself together, pull it together, you'll be fine Tell me, what the hell do you know? What do you know? Tell me how the hell could you know? How could you know? Till it happens to you, you don't know how it feels, how it feels Till it happens to you, you won't know, it won't be real No, it won't be real, won't know how it feels You tell me hold your head up, hold your head up and be strong 'Cause when you fall you gotta get up, you gotta get up and move on Tell me how the hell could you talk, how could you talk? 'Cause until you walk where I walk, this is no joke Till it happens to you, you don't know how it feels, how it feels Till it happens to you, you won't know, it won't be real (how could you know?) No it won't be real (how could you know?) Won't know how I feel Till your world burns and crashes Till you're at the end, the end of your rope Till you're standing in my shoes I don't wanna hear a thing from you, from you, from you 'Cause you don't know Till it happens to you, you don't know how I feel, how I feel How I feel Till it happens to you, you won't know, it won't be real (how could you know?) No, it won't be real (how could you know?) Won't know how it feels Till it happens to you Happens to you Happens to you Happens to you Happens to you Happens to you (how could you know?) Till it happens to you You won't know how I feelComplete
Poetry's Tale to Tell
One sample of my work (Note not all poems will be so serious, some are story like others are light hearted): "Every day, something happens... Someone gets bullied, Just because "They're different" "Nerdy" "Annoying" "Have no sense of fashion..." All those things are of unimportance...! Everyone has a choice, Don't let what someone says, change it! You could stand down... Watch as the victim pleads for help... That's the easy path, But is it the right one? Do you want that on your consciousness? The pain can be so bad... It takes a life... Then it's too late, Regret becomes your best mate... A depressing thought... Although. It doesn't have to be that way...! YOU can make it change! Stand tall, speak loud, Stand up for what is right! That one action... Can save a life...! You could make a friend, A REAL friend. Spread awareness and Right the wrong! Be brave! For those who suffer... You're not alone...! If there's no knight to slay The evil demons away... Find it within you, to be strong! If you get no help, save yourself! You deserve happiness, and it will come! For karma never forgets you! Nor your enemies... Once it comes around, it will go around... Speak out, you will be heard...! The era of bullying will be no longer...!"Complete
Release
This is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxiety, sadnesses, anger, and hopelessness. I was desperate to be loved and feared it the most, I was a coward, I was self-destructive, I would mentally bend my thoughts to the point of bordering insanity. I was born into this world alone, and got too comfortable with it. Maybe I still am, but a fraction of what I used to be. This writing is extremely vulnerable, and potentially disturbing to others, as all my weaknesses, strengths, obsessions with making every moment sentimental, the sickening desperation I've had, the destructiveness, and the constant brutal reconstruction of my mind. Without guidance, it's been absolute intense chaos. Though, there is beauty in the darkness. Everything can be found in the darkness. You'll find that through my writing, I've somehow slowly become exactly what I've written. A living representation of my writing and what I wanted to be. Without myself even knowing it. A lot of my writing themes are based around nature, or some kind of natural aspect. The imagery I paint with natural metaphors is constant, the animals, just like you and I, the plants, and all other living things. I planted these seeds in my mind, unknowingly at the time, where I now feel the deep dark green jungle pressing at the inner walls of my skull. It's all that I want to consume my mind. There's so much to learn. The magic of nature, and it's infinite wisdom. It's as if I have been on this path all along, and I didn't even know what I was doing, yet my body and mind were passively taking care of me. Giving me and eventually showing exactly what I want, and wanted to become. I have every moment, every instance of suffering, and every epiphany to be thankful for. Soon, I'll be at peace from the raging storm.Complete
Words Unspoken
There is a community of the spirit. Join it, and feel the delight of walking in the noisy street, and being the noise. Drink all your passion, and be a disgrace. Close both eyes to see with the other eye. Open your hands, if you want to be held. Sit down in this circle. Quit acting like a wolf, and feel the shepherd's love filling you. At night, your beloved wanders. Don't accept consolations. Close your mouth against food. Taste the food. You moan, "She left me." "He left me." Twenty more will come. Be empty of worrying. Think of who created thought! Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. Live in silence. Flow down and down in always widening rings of being. There's a strange frenzy in my head, of birds, flying, each particle circulating on its own. Is the one I love everywhere? Drunks fear the police, but the police are drunk too. People in this town love them both like different chess pieces. ----------------------------------- All things that we hide in our hearts eat us alive. This book is - full of emotions, love, care and agitation. Well, you need to read this to know what's in. Moreover, It consists of quotes, snippets, poems, bits of advice...Ummm simply deep and random stuff. Go Ahead! HIGHEST rank #1 in poetry as of 19.02.2018 ----------------------------------- 4/10/17 --- 19/04/18Complete
Inbetween
Hello, I don't write to inform you or to show you my life story. I write to show that you can move on from the past and let go. The only way you can move on it is to forgive yourself and the people who have hurt your soul. I write for the damaged, to let them know I see them suffering in silence. This book is about overcoming the hells of life and letting yourself enjoy the good things that you have. I wrote this when I was going through a really hard time in my own life. This book was my safe place. It's a place for me to express my feelings and to be 100% open with myself. I hope this makes you think about what you can do to start healing and how we have an effect on others. Treat yourself kindly, and be gentle.Complete
333 Network
This isn't a story. It's about people with problems in life aka depression/anxiety/anything else you need help with. We're all hiding inside ourselves and don't know what to do. I hope to help... If you have problems, I highly recommend this. I'm open to any suggestions on what to talk about in this book and you can also pm me if you have a problem and need someone to talk to. I'm here if you need anything... A little disclaimer: This contains things like suicide, really brutal descriptions and some cuss words. If you are sensitive to any of those, I don't think you should read this. But if you have a problem with depression or suicide, I think you should. NO HATERS OR ANY BULLIES ALLOWED!!! YOUR ACCOUNT WILL GET DELETED IF YOU SAY RUDE OR MEAN THINGS TO PEOPLE AND ABOUT PEOPLE IN THIS BOOK!!!Complete
CAUTION: I DID NOT PUT MATURE ON BUT CONTAINS SENSITIVE TOPICS OF ABUSE INCLUDING S/A... & probaly some swearing. There will be disturbing sh*t in here. This book is a poem book of my life pretty much. Its my thoughts and emotions spoken in a different suppossed to be more emotional and deeper way then just looking at what happened and crying about it. What happened can never be fixed but I won't let those people go by un-noticed and I hope karma sincerely kicks them in more then the ass someday. I don't wish pain upon no one but I do crave for them to just UNDERSTAND what they made me feel since they all walked away without a scrape, just a smirk on all their faces in the end. Or they're narcassistic. Theres also letters to people who I still think of to this day that will probably never read them but you guys still hold a special place in my heart. This book is letters and poetry to all; people of my past, present, future, and not only just SURVIVORS but WARRIORS too. You're never alone my loves... Welcome to : "Message Not Delivered"
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