Despicably Yours

Despicably Yours

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WpMetadataReadOngoing1h 23m
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Mon, Oct 16, 2017
When a doctor with the pseudonym of Jackson Kross gets abducted upon visit to the Wattpad HQ, he didn't know what his name meant for the magicians and knights living in oppression under the evil rule of Queen Donella Tramples- a were-orangutan witch who ruled the underworld castle of Witchpad. Every year, Donella selects a few of the scribes she had enslaved in her dungeons for the supreme event in Witchpad- the Wattys. In Witchpad Wattys- you get awarded with Freedom, or you die. The doctor soon finds himself in league with the Resistance- a team of Ambassador Knights sworn to overthrow the evil witch and give the throne back to the rightful King Allyn Lovedragon. With the help of the Orange Knight, Sir Gawain Williamson, and the swordmage, Captain Paulie Shook, the inexperienced doctor participates in the Wattys to gain a chance to escape the dungeons. But there was one problem: all he had was a teenage witch's story of survival, a type of Snow White retelling which was based on a real incident in a magical world. Will the story of Shelly, the teenage witch, be enough to let him get past the death sentence? Will it remind the slaves of the mighty Sir Jackson Kross and instill a rebellion to free Witchpad from the clutches of the evil witch? Or will it be a tremendous flop, thereby endangering the entire Witchpad into oblivion? Will the hopes of Sir Gawain and prayers of Princess Alexandra turn into ashes? Only time will tell. Ready or not, grab your sharpest sword or choose your best story... THE WATTYS HAS BEGUN!
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#881
fairytale-retelling
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**Featured on DARK FANTASY and ADULT FICTION reading lists** WARNING: EATING OR DRINKING WHILE READING THIS STORY IS HIGHLY INADVISABLE. Once Upon A Time, Good Omens, Monty Python, and Arrested Development had a back-alley three-way and birthed a fairytale. Gerald wasn't supposed to be stuck living seven centuries in the future. He definitely wasn't supposed to be "mentoring" The Dark Lord's progeny in the hopes that she would decide to save the world rather than destroy it. In fact, he wasn't even supposed to be named Gerald (the name of every other male in his family for three hundred years), because everyone assumed a weak-chinned, balding, forgettable man, who was just a magician, could never be who Geraldo The Foreshadower prophesied. But that's what assuming gets you, and here he was saddled with a fate he never asked for, in a time he didn't know, surrounded by people he didn't want to like, and he was out of Firewine AGAIN! The Dark Heir is a darkly satirical tale of assumptions, anti-heroes, and apocalypses, where the road to hell is actually a themed water-park slide covered in slightly less urine than a real one. It drops literary and film references faster than an NYC socialite drops names, and promises endless laughs - including, but not limited to, sad chuckles, guffaws, uncontrollable giggles at inappropriate moments, brays, barks, cackles, snorts, cachinnations, and the occasional howl (though that may be the Welsh Werewolves showing up unannounced). Consider yourself warned... Reviews: "Completely and adorably bonkers," says @floranocturna "Hilarious in every way. Even when I cringed, I laughed," says @LadySapphire2018 Winner of The Trident Awards

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