Dome
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Ongoing6m
Last published Sat, Jan 7, 2017
Iris a descendant of one of the survivors of a nuclear war that shook the entire world 200 years ago. She wants to escape the confines of her home and explore the land below when a mysterious man shows up at her doorstep to help her escape and fulfill her desires.
Where will this lead the two of them?
This is a short story that I wrote for my creative writing class. I'm just posting it on here because I want some feedback to better my writing in the future.
So just give me some polite tips/pointers (no cursing or insults please and thank you) on what I need to fix/sounds off and I'll be a happy camper.
Thanks!
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"Strip!" His voice growled as his eyes bored into her soul earning no gestures. "I-I" Her heart raced with fear as tears made thier way to her cheeks running down. She doesn't expect him to do this, to say this. His patience was going to its peak as he was burning from inside. "I-i , m-me p-please" she hiccuped loudly as words were stucked in her throat. He took a step ahead as she cowered and stood. Her legs were shaky but tried to get away from him. "Stay there" he warned. It all started from that event when he become obsessed with the kind soul. ____________ "Move away mister" she spoke with an hurriedly expression as she was looking again and again for her parents at the giant haul. "What did you say?" he spoke surprisingly as a muscle ticked his jaw. "I said move away" she said with a hardness in her voice as his veins popped. "Do you even know who I am?" he spoke in his dangerous voice. "Yes I know you are a human" she said and was about to go away but he yanked her arm and pinned her on the nearby wall catching her offguard. "You are gonna regret this little miss" he said while tugging a strand of hair behind her hair. "huh?" she said and he went away as she looked at him dumbfounded but shrugged her shoulders casually thinking of him as a drunkard. Nineteen-year-old a beautiful girl who lived with her parents happily her little family while studying second year of college to fulfill her dreams but the life has another plans for her. Her life take a 360 degree turn when she mistakenly caught attention of a man whom everyone is feared off. He saw her, he liked her, he wanted her and he will get her. It clearly tells that he is OBSESSED with her. What is going to happen? Read to find out. -NEED MAJOR EDITING-
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